wiktoria_hankus Wiktoria Hankus

Trigger warning: Suicide and Self harm This is the story of Veronica Nowak. A fourteen year old who has Asperger's syndrome. It makes life much more difficult for her. The story begins with Veronica coming back from Poland after the experiences she had there. The story goes on... She a has tendency to use "maladaptive coping mechanisms". Even though she shouldn't. She's afraid to reach out for help because she's afraid of what her parents will say. Will they judge? Will they be mad? Or will they be kind? This is her story. Dedicated to Matt Hanson. Mr. Hanson I am and I will always be grateful for what you did. I will never forget that. This book is my thank you.

Dram 13 yaşın altındaki çocuklar için değil.

#drama #hospital #mentalhealth #autsim
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Inspired by a true story

Well, I did it. I left Poland. Hopefully, I won't be coming back there for a long time.

My Dad and I flew to America. The flight? It was boring. I don't think I slept at all during it. I attempted to though. If I couldn't I would be on my phone and playing games I had on it.

We came back to America during the night. It felt surreal to be in the US again. Like as if we left for Poland yesterday.

I was wearing a green flowy shirt, coal camo pants, and black laced shoes I had worn lots of times in Poland.

There was a long line to get to customs. It was like a maze. My dad and I had to walk for a long time to get to the end of the line but eventually, we did it.

We both had to walk for a long time through the line.

After we were just a couple of feet away from customs I heard someone yell "The line is a mile long.". That was pretty funny.

It took some time but my dad and I got through customs and the other stuff.

We got our baggage and we went to look for Mom. She was supposed to pick us up. She was waiting outside in front of the airport. My dad and I walked over to her car. My Mom was in the car and on her phone. However, she looked up and noticed that we had come. Then she got out of the car. I immediately walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

She most of the time dressed very casually. But there were occasions when she dressed much more elegantly for no reason.

Today it was a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and blue shoes.

I felt her skinny slightly tanned body hug mine. I touched her short brown curly hair. I guess she decided to try another color than black.

I spoke to her in Polish like I always do. The translation of the dialogue is in parentheses.

Then went to help Dad with putting our baggage in the car. After that, I got in the car in the front passenger seat. Mom was in the driver's seat. Dad was sitting in the back.

He's six feet tall and very muscular from being a truck driver. But I don't know how he still has the energy to do it at 60 years old. But his black and partially gray hair makes him look like my grandpa.

„Tęskniłam za tobą."

("I missed you." Mom began.)

„Ja też"

("Me too." I replied)

„Jak był lot?"

("How was the flight?" Mom asked.)

„Do dupy. Było mało miejsca na moje nogi. Ale przynajmniej spałem dobrze."

("It was terrible. There was barely any legroom. However, I did sleep well." Dad said.)

„A ty?"

("What about you?" Mom asked me.)

„Za bardzo nie spałam."

("I couldn't sleep." I said.)

„Nie za fajnie."

("Oh, I'm sorry." Mom said.)

„Poza tym, kupiłaś mi sushi?"

("Anyhow, did you get me sushi? Like I told you." I asked Mom.)


("Maybe." Mom replied.)

If my Mom ever replies to a food-related question then a lot of the time it means yes.

I spoke with my parents for most of the drive.

After 20 minutes we arrived at my house. Apartment to be more specific.

It felt weird to see it. As if nothing changed. The Christmas lights and plastic chairs were still on the balcony.

I walked into my house while holding my black violin case and iPhone in hand. It was still the same as 9 months ago.

My house was very small. The plastic dinner table, kitchen, and living room were basically in the same area.

I wasn't too thrilled about sleeping in the same room as my sister though. But what can I do about it?

I placed my violin on the ground. My sister came out of her room.

She is so young but older by 14 years than me. She had hair the color of a peanut. And when you saw her face, you could just tell that she used a lot of skincare. And it made her look good.

She would generally wear clothes from Louis Vuitton, Hermes, and many other expensive brands. She was a nurse so she had the money for it.

But when I saw her, she was just wearing her pink robe. No socks.

„Chodź daj siostrze huga."

("Come give your sister a hug." Dad said to my sister.)

She walked up to me and hugged me.


("Hey." She said.)

„Tęskiniłas za mną?"

("Miss me?" I asked.)

She didn't reply,

We stopped hugging.

I took my black shoes off and socks. I loved walking barefoot around the house.

I went to the fridge and found shrimp sushi.

„Mama, to sushi dla mnie?"

("Mom, is the sushi here for me?" I asked.)


("Yes." Mom replied in a loud voice.)

I got the shrimp sushi and chopsticks. I ate the sushi by the table.

„Więc dziadki nie zawieźli was na lotnisko?"

("So grandparents didn't take you to the airport?" My sister asked loudly.)


("No." Dad replied while cleaning his glasses with his gray t-shirt)


("Why?" She asked.)

„Nie rozumiesz to co zrobili miało duży efekt na mnie? On mi się śnili."

("Do you realize that what happened had a major effect on me? Like I dreamt about them." I revealed.)

Mom looked concerned when I said that.

Sis didn't say anything.

I finished eating my sushi.

Mom walked up to me.

„Sugeruje żebyś się wykąpała teraz. Pokazać ci co masz użyć?"

("I suggest you shower now. Do you want me to show you what to use?" Mom asked.)


("Sure." I said.)

Then I got up and we walked to the bathroom. It was the same as 9 months ago.

Mom showed me this white body soap. Then she walked out. I took a shower. It felt refreshing.

I prayed before falling asleep.

"Heavenly Father, I am in the US. The flight was very long. Thank you for letting it go well. For now, I want to rest. I am very tired from traveling. Please allow me to sleep peacefully now."

Days passed. I did a bit more writing for my books. I also began working on the continuation of "Lost Everything". It was going to be part two of the story. Maybe that's why I called it "Lost Everything, Part Two".

Ideas were flowing. In my head then coming out in Google Docs.

What happened in Poland started to bother me again. Dreams of my grandparents were coming.

I thought I was at ease with what happened. I guess not.

I tried to make peace with what happened. However, my mind won't let me. I wish it would.

A couple more days passed. I got a new phone. iPhone 12 to be exact. I transferred the stuff that I had on my previous iPhone to it. Then I texted some of my friends that I had come back.

Some of them were excited, some of them didn't care and some didn't even reply. There were also people whom I forgot to inform of my leave. Oh well.

Kesryna has decided to get in contact. It's gonna be fun to see her after all of this time. And I will be able to see her, not just text her.

So far we have been friends for five years to be exact. Blonde short straight hair and blue eyes. Similar in height to me.

We were going to hang out today. Go to an astrology museum. She and her mom picked me up. Her mom drove us to the city via highway. We chatted a lot during the ride.

"So do you have any stories, like stuff that happened in school?" I asked.

"So there was this sub for science and she would give out tickets for people who didn't have masks on."


"She didn't give me one because I had a mask on."

Her Mom started to say something to her in Ukrainian. I could kind of understand what she was saying. It was about a Ukrainian school. So I asked

"How is Ukrainian school?"

Her Mom smiled. I think I understood it correctly.

"It's been going good," Kesryna said.

"How are the teachers?" I asked.

"My reading and writing teacher yells a lot. The others are pretty chill." She replied.

The drive took another 30 minutes.

We arrived at the planetarium. Then we went to see the show. It was pretty cool. About Astrology mostly.

After it finished we went to a Ukrainian restaurant. The food was pretty good.

I tried this tea and it wasn't good, however, I made myself drink it.

Overall that was just a good day.

A couple of days passed. I found out that Kesryna had moved to Pennsylvania. I wasn't too sad about it because I plan to stay connected with her over the phone.

Two Months passed. I mostly stayed home and worked on my books.

I published two. Disappear, Part One, and Disappear, Part Two. I had my mom help me with them cause she knows more about writing than I do.

I also wanted to write in a dedication for her but she didn't allow me to.

However, she got busy so I just edited them on my own. It was fun too.

I played a bit of video games too as a break from writing. I just needed to have something to ease my mind from thinking about what would happen next in my books.

I texted some of my friends. Those conversations were kind of boring.

Two days before school started I got to meet my teachers.

I remember driving up to the school and just getting a flood of memories.

You can say that also at that same school, I was there for a month last year. It was before I went to Poland for 7th grade.

I walked inside with my dad.

I was planning to walk my schedule. That's what I did for the most part. But for some teachers, I walked inside to talk to them.

One of those teachers was Ms. Moore (Spanish).

She was talking with someone then she turned to me.

"Hello, Veronica!"

I'm surprised she remembered my name.

"Hello, Ms. Moore."

"How was Poland?"

"Very interesting."

"Well, you can tell me more about it in class on Monday."

"Alright, bye for now."


I walked out of her class with my dad.

As I was walking with my dad I stumbled upon an old friend. She's Hawaiian. Kalehua.

When we saw each other we hugged. I felt her black curly hair when I hugged her.

We walked to the side and spoke.

"I haven't seen you in forever. How are you?" I asked.

"Good, what about you?"


"How was Poland?"


Her mom said something to her in Hawian.

"You can tell me more about that over texts. I have to go."

"Okay. I'll see you in school."

"See ya."

My dad and I finished walking our schedule. We went home.

A couple of days passed. The first 8th grade school day began. We didn't do any schoolwork. It was there to help us just manage around the school.

I had trouble finding my first-period class. My whole schedule changed the night before. The first period began. It was Science with Mr. Watson. He had a casual sense of style in clothes. I mostly saw him wear school merch hoodies and jeans even though he seemed like he was 50 years old.

I walked in and sat in the back.

I turned around to make conversation with the brown-haired girl behind me.

I realized it was Emma. I have known her since elementary.

"Hey, Emma." I began.

"Hey, Veronica."

I'm surprised she remembered my name.

"How's the first day of 8th grade?"

"It's goin' well, even though I wasn't here last year."

"You were online then?"


"It must have been nice."

"It was."

The lesson shortly began. Mr. Watson began to take attendance. He made sure he said everyone's name correctly. He came to my name.

"How do you say your name?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like is it just Veronica or..?" He said my name in a Russian accent. Funny.

"Just Veronica, no nicknames," I said.

The day continued. The teachers were nice. The third period came. It was a substitute. Ms. Sanchez wasn't able to come because she was on maternity leave.

People in the class said. "Veronica!" "You came back!"

At first, I was confused but I remembered. I mentioned to them I would come back someday. I guess they remembered.

I went to reading class. I asked Ms. Davis if she wanted to read "Lost Everything". She wanted to.

Lunch came. I had to sit with people from my first-period class. It wasn't fun. I didn't know what to talk to them about. So I didn't.

7th period came. It was PE for me. I saw Kalehua and Ruth. They both greeted me in a hug. I almost felt a little claustrophobic when Kalehua hugged me because she was just bigger than me.

Kalehua is a Hawaiian. She had brown straight hair. And most times when I would see her she would wear hoodies.

Ruth on the other hand was much more shorter than me. She's an American. But her sense of style can be described as gothic. I found it cool.

"I'm so happy you're here," Kalehua said excitedly.

"So am I, bestie" Ruth added.

They stopped hugging me.

"Let's go sit on the benches," Kalehua said.

We sat on the benches. The teacher continued to speak. But we three just talked with each other.

"How was Poland?" Kalehua asked.

"Chaotic, a lot happened," I replied.

"I'm sorry."

"It did destroy me mentally."

"I am sorry then."

"It's okay. That's one of the reasons I came back."

"I'm glad you did. I missed you." Ruth added.

I smiled at her.

Finally 9th period came. I met someone there I never expected to see. Lana White. We have known each other since 4th grade. But because of my Christian views, we stopped talking for a long while but in 7th grade, we spoke again.

I tried to text her when I came back. But the text messages were green.

She gestured for me to sit with her.

Lana had skin like snow. And her hands to the touch were like a feather.

Her hair was straight and blonde.

"Did you get a new phone?" I asked.

"Yup, sorry I couldn't get the app. My mom didn't allow me to."

"It's fine."

I began to think if I should bring the past up. I decided to do so. I thought it would be best if I solved this the earliest I could have.

"So you are not mad at me for what happened?" I questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"The shit that happened in 4th grade?"


"Then why did you decide to talk to me now?"

"I just hope your not homophobic."

"I am not. I don't hate you for being bi. I don't approve of being bi because I am a Christian. But I don't hate you for it."

"I understand."

"Good, how was life in the US without me?" I asked.

"Good, how was Poland?"


"Everyone's eyes on me!" Ms. Sila said.

The lesson continued.

Two weeks passed. We still haven't begun doing schoolwork. Still learning about how to manage on a day-to-day basis. And also just things to help us succeed.

I kept on writing. I began writing a new story "The Fight".

Lunch was the most boring part of my day. Emma started up some drama with Maddy. They would scream or cuss out each other. Connor and I just watched. It was kind of funny. But most times at lunch I was lonely. Because I had no one to talk to.

I would doodle in my notebook. Or even try to make book covers for my books.

In History, I noticed a friend I haven't spoken with in a long while. Taylor Rosalina.

Her hair was black and wavy with blond highlights with high volume. She has an amazing sense of style. She looked like a rockstar with her black leather jacket and black pants. She was always able to pull off amazing looks.

I approached her as she waited in front of Mr. Watson's classroom. He would always make everyone wait a couple of minutes before the lesson started.

"Remember me?"



"Where have you been?"

"In Poland. What about you?"

"Here in America."


"Wanna exchange phone numbers? I feel like we should have done this a long time ago."

"Sure." She began to write on a small sticky note. "Here."

I grabbed the note. I put it in between pages of my notebook. "Thanks."

The lesson passed. Before it was time for second period I had some time to talk to Helen.

"So what have you been up to in Poland?"

"Writing books and playing violin."

"What are your books about?"

"They vary. But the one I am trying to finish up is happening in Victorian London. I've been kinda obsessed with it." I laughed.

"What about the characters?"

"Mostly royals."


"I don't want to reveal too much. So I'm just gonna leave it at that."

"You better send me the link to them."

"I surely will."

Science was boring. Barley anyone to talk with. So I doodled.

Orchestra was much more fun. Jude always starts up stuff. Like calling the teacher "teacher" and not using Ms. Kind of funny.

Orchestra was one of my favorite classes. There was just something to look forward to. The chatting about anything was the best. I enjoyed it deeply.

Lunch came. Boring as always. However, Emma and Connor were not there. I was by myself. Like I always tend to be. I found joy in it.

7th period. I was able to see Kalehua and Ruth. Didn't have much time to talk to them. They mostly spoke with each other.

2:15 p.m. The school day finished. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be home alone and keep on writing "Lost Everything, Part 2." I might finish it soon.

And that's what I did. On hours and hours on end. Even till my parents and sister came home. But it was hard to write because all I was hearing was this.

I come home and my mom started up an argument.

„Wy mi w ogóle nie pomagacie. Naczynia nie są umyte i śmieci nie są wyrzucone."

("You guys don't help me at all. The dishes are not done, and the trash is not thrown away.")

„A ty siedzisz na jebanej kanapie i mi nie pomożesz."

(She turned to my Dad. "And you are sitting on a fucking couch and won't even help me.")

„Jak ma trzynastolatek pomagać kiedy twoja dwudziestosiedmiolatka nie pomaga?"

("How the fuck is supposed a 13-year-old help you when your 27-year-old daughter does nothing?")

„Nadal powinna pomóc."

("She still should help.")

„Ja pomagam. Ja po prostu nie robię naczyń bo większość z nich jest po Zosi."

("I do, I just don't do dishes all the way because it's mostly from Zosia.")

„Ale nadal powinnaś pomoc."

("But you should still do more things.")

I just got up and left the living room. I didn't want to hear another argument. They were exhausting.

But one moment when they were arguing I just opened my room door and yelled„Zamknijcie się!" ("Shut up!")

17 Ekim 2023 21:25 0 Rapor Yerleştirmek Hikayeyi takip edin
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