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Blink

Have you ever felt like everything in your life was just falling right in front of you leaving you feeling like a whole earthquake had shook the whole dang earth. leaving me with no air to breathe and no rope or a ladder to get myself back up. smoke in the ai covering my eyesight and walking on a empty road with no street lights or signs making it even more harder for me to see to even know where the heck I was going or what location I was in.


Peace, it was so quiet you couldn't even hear a bird chirping just straight silence with blurry lights all around me and big empty tall buildings that looked so haunted.

as I was hearing voices calling my name as I was blinking my eyes walking through clouds of smoke through a lonely world on my own trying to find me a place to survive and blinking my eyes twic3 trying to live my life the best way I could and trying to stay alive cause right now the point I'm at in my life, I feel dead thinking to myself that the world feel dead to if only I could blink myself out of this place for good....


blink

what a dream

It all started when I was 16 years old, when my life started to become a living hell. have you Ever felt like Everything in Your Life was crashing right down on you, leaving You feeling like a bus or a train had hit you and took your life, causing you not to Breathe. I tried to figure out what the hell was going on with me, trying not to look at myself in the mirror was feeling abandoned and disquised hiding from the bruises and scars that I had on my face dropping down to my knees



asking God what did I do to myself to cause myself so much pain feeling lesser than the good guy people say I was, but deep down inside my feelings was burning after feelings torchering my brain, teeth squeeching squinched with thirst with my tears rolling down my face into my cup drinking my tears to survive.....



In mental therapy

.. session 1..

Hi Rihley how is everything going with you, what makes u come in today like what's causing you this issue your having why, are u feeling the way you are feeling, close your eyes take a deep breath and tell me what's going on....

Rihley....

can I have TISSUE please

Liz. .... sure

as I kept nodding my leg shaking like I was on some type of drug or something.

Rihley- have you ever felt like everything in your life was just falling down and crashing on you that day I was feeling like bus or a train had hit me and took away my life, causing me not to breathe trying to figure out that the hell was going on with me trying not

to look at myself in the mirror was feeling abandoned and disguised hiding the bruises and scars I had on my face dropping down to my knees praying to God asking God what did I do to myself to cause myself so much pain in my life, feeling lesser than the good guy they thought I was, but deep down inside my feelings


was burning after my feelings like I I had nothing left in my body not even my heart beat to pump or even feel alive inside

I felt DEAD....

they say we learn from our mistakes,but growing up in this life time and seeing so much fucked up things seems like only 50% of people who actually learn from their mistakes and 99% of people who actually don't which totally backwards to me if u ask me. as the years went by balancing every thing out I am

the 50% even though it took me some time to get my bullcrap together, but I know all that really matters is that I had learned from what I did and trust me it was not that easy growing up being a gay male came out to be a really hard life to live especially if u could not protect or defend yourself just being my own self

and not giving a dam what nobody say or think worrying about what people think really letting it get to me really didn't make anything in my life any better trying to figure out who I was or the girl I was trying to become was like eating a rotten fruit swirling from an infected tree, like a apple eve gave adam being trNz girl

was like a poisoned fruit I've eaten interfering with my spirit and messing up my soul.


it was bright and shiny day that day I think it was on a Friday I.had already skipped a whole week of school and just now thinking about going. I just always had a problem at school I mean it didn't matter what day it was it was always a problem. as I got myself up and got myself ready for school the house was so cold in the morning like I was in a freezer box about to die.


as I begin to wash my face and brush my teeth after I got out of the shower noticing I had ran out all of the hot water. my room was only across from the bathroom so it was just easy for me to run straight to my room so I didnt feeeze to death, today I had wanted to wear all black for some reason I knew just the fit.

I pulled out my all black polo jumpsuit I had got for my birthday last year. as I got myself dressed I started to head out to my but stop where I always felt like somebody was watching me for some reason or was I just paranoid I had got to the bus stop just in time the bus was already coming down the road.

getting to school really didn't take long to get to school thinking that I would see my besfriend Price and money on the bus already, but I guess they must not have been coming that day so I felt so alone with all the freaking weirdos on the bus.

getting off the bus was like big relief of fresh air getting ready to pull out my blunt and smoke before I went in walking away from the school building so that nobody could see me I had to be quick on this one.


I went and set in the back by the back side of the building of this old abandoned house where there was nobody around it was so cold like evrytime I breathe I kept fogging up my glasses couldn't see nothing so as I begin to spark my blunts squirls and sh...t was falling out the trees, or was I just high.


I had to hurry up because being late at Edison tech was big problem you was caught....

I had to hide everything epically my drugs because this guy name Trenton always gave me a problem everytime when I came to school, Trenton was the school sentry for Edison tech high school this dude always acted like he had something up his behind the way he be snapping for no reason and always up my mines.

I was walking up so slow because I just really didn't want to be here, this place was a living hell.

Trenton- hey Mr palmo!" I know. dam well!

I know dam well he seen me dressed like a girl, I think. he was really tryna be a funny guy, looking stupid as he was.

I looked him dead In the eyes with a smirk on my face like that's not my name thinking to myself ......why is this guy being so rude to me for no reason

some what at least I thought I was thinking to myself I was actually speaking loud, I was so loud that everybody in the Hall way and that was around was looking... I must have made him nervous or something because he instantly dropped his walkie tLky right on the floor.

Trenton- I can speak to you how I want to you , you Lil fagget as he was picking up his Lil weak walkie talkie up off the floor I instantly had a flashback of kicking him right in the face as he was bending down thinking to do him nasty like he was kickball or something,


he was beyond disrespectful. so instead I doubled punched him right in his mouth with no and's or buts about it I was not taking nothing from nobody it was already bad enough that I got bullied my whole dang life, I was not about to let this big guy bully me just because I was a gay male and it was apparently something he didn't approve

or just was really gay on the low because to believe it or not this how alot of these dudes are really be liking u on the low.......thinking u the problem when they the problem the whole time.


I punched this man so hard his glasses flew all the way across the hall all into little pieces Jordan the Tom boy sentry snatched me up and slammed me against the wall putting her stank breath all up in my face trying to kill me it felt like.


Rihley- why are u putting your hands on me where they don't belong not knowing that your breath stank so stank it smells like spoiled milk that's been sitting out for days get your hands off me I yelled out,as I was wiggling my body trying to force my self out of her hands, but it was not happening.

Mrs Jordan- why are you putting your hands where they don't belong, not knowing that her breath was stank, smelled like spoiled milk that's been sitting out for some days her breath was stank.

Rihley- get the fuck off me you not my mom he shouldn't called me a faggot I yelled out

I would like to report him and I'm telling my mom.

they was not giving a dam what I was talking about she was obviously just kept me pinned up against a wall like she was really doing something, but only killing me with her breath.

I was trying to figure out where was my bestfriends at money and price always met me at the front entrance, because all this would have not happened if they was here.

Rihley-

Liz I know you probably think I'm the one that's always getting myself in trouble, but all jokes aside I really think they was picking on me, I think she was jealous of me or something really didn't understand what was the pressure. when she finally took her hands off of me and let me sit down Jordan and Trenton decided



to slide me as I was sitting in the chair and put me inside this weird closed in closet, it was like some movie type of thing. like where the hell they do this at I just couldn't believe my eyes, the world was really coming to a end I thought these people was about kill me and wasn't gonna be nothing but a hate crime they put


on a news paper and everybody watching me dead on TV....


27 декабря 2023 г. 1:27 0 Отчет Добавить Подписаться
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