Only when we begin to come to terms with the past are we ready to recognize the reality of our "now" and let the future come closer with slow steps.
It was that October day, the sun was shining and bathing the landscape in a dull, bright yellow. I had lost my father last weekend. He had been very ill. Even though I was one of the more rough-and-tumble boys, especially as I had a good chance with the young girls, I felt helpless. Lost like a cat that fell into the water and almost drowned. On that very October day, I learned to become a "different person". The person who pursued drugs like a hunting dog pursues a deer in the forest.
2 years later.
I no longer had an existence. Everything I had built up, the relationship with my deeply grieving mother who no longer cared about me, fell into silence. "Become a real man, like your father, a manager and not a drug addict. Go on, get lost," had been her words. My eyes had filled with tears and I had run away without saying anything to her face, almost spitting as I saw tears glistening in her eyes: "I hate you, you're a ravenous mother, you know that?", and had walked away deeply saddened.
-10 years later.
I had trained with great difficulty. To become a nurse. But my addiction to drugs made my life hell. One day, I was on my way to the supermarket after work when I saw her, my mother. I paid quickly and left the store. She had been looking at me kind of expectantly. Her eyes with a wordless request. But which one? I had walked past her and ignored her.
-22 years later.
My mother had died. I hadn't attended the funeral. I regretted it. I was visibly struggling for composure. Then I cried. The tears came pouring out like buckets of water. Tears that I had suppressed for over twenty years. Tears that almost drove me mad. I missed her, my mother. I had no one now. What had I done with my life? What was I supposed to do with my future? I had led separate worlds. Separate worlds to reality and to reason. I had to think about myself now.
Übersetzt mit DeepL https://www.deepl.com/app/?utm_source=android&utm_medium=app&utm_campaign=share-translation
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