1987 was the year my awakening. The day that I lost the most important person in my life was also the day the dreams, visions, and voices in my head began. I was 7 years old and thought that her death made me crazy. My grandmother lost her battle with life, and in that loss gave me an opened mind to the universe. This was also the year I began to smoke cigarettes and weed in hopes of containing a stable mind. Now, 35 years later I'm married and on a health binge, and am afraid everything I hid from all this time will return. This is the return of it all. All of my dreams documented.
Today the dreams began, and it starts with a touch of my past. Before I express what the dream was about I would like to give you a briefing on what it may derive from. You see, I was in a ten year relationship with a woman who I thought I would spend my life with. As all relationships have their ups and downs, our relationships demise began when I was cheated on. Although this isn't a reflection for continuance, it begs the question, is this what happened?. Toward our relationships end, she would leave at all times of the night. I would wake up and she would be gone. When asked where she went, she would say things like "I went to my grandparents house". One time while trying to call her phone she said that she was home asleep, while I stared at an empty bed. This drove me crazy. Todays dream was about where she went. I saw a yellow bricked building, the time of night, and another male figure. I see her laugh, I see happiness. Perhaps in the moment of my weakness in caring for my sick mother, the absence of our affection caused her to seek someone else. I understand that this is not only her first real relationship but also the longest, as she is 7 years younger than me. perhaps she didn't sign up for this amount of grief, or didn't expect my priorities to shift. Either way it pulled us apart, causing her to need something else. This is the first time someone else's happiness hurts me, as I was in love with who I thought was the love of my life. Perhaps if I were stronger or had the means to take care of my mother, and giving her the attention she needed, this would have never happened. Then again, I would have never left New York and got married to my rock solid wife, who has shown me what unconditional love actually means. Something I never knew existed until now.
As the tears fill my eyes and my throat knots up I find myself in a time and place not known, she is here. I know this is a dream yet, I can feel the air hitting my face. I can smell what aromas are in the air. The pain is unbearable as I feel my emotions getting the best of me reminding me why I started smoking in the first place. For some reason, she is here living in this building, and has come downstairs to greet me. I'm not sure why but I am in a wheelchair. We go upstairs where she is throwing a get together, and we are remembering what we meant to each other. There are a lot of guests there, so we take our conversation to the hallway. This building reminds me of the building we lived in when we got our first apartment together and as I said in the beginning, this is unbearable. I want her happiness as much as my own, so I left her with the words I said to her when I left. " I hope you find what you are looking for. If you ever get lonely in life, look up and know that somewhere in the world someone genuinely loved you. Take care". As soon as the final words left my mouth in the dream, I wake up in tears. An unbearable pain enters my chest as I feel myself finally letting go. It's for the best, my wife deserves my whole self and for the first time in 3 years, I feel free and hers, as she deserves the best of me.
I'm back where I used to live only I'm older. Castle hill projects, I was invited to come and show love to someone I grew up with. He is a karate master and they are throwing an event in the playground in back of the building. A lot of my day ones are there, and there are a lot of people around. I see myself walking through the corridor towards the event when, one of my friends ask me to go with them to the corner store we used to go to when we were young. As we walk reminiscing about the past and how we got to be who we are, shots ring out and we don't know where they are coming from. What is strange is how slow time was moving from the time we started talking and walking, to the time we get to the store before the gun shots woke me up.
Last night's dream was in a place I never been, but have seen from the outside. It's an apartment complex in the Bronx across the street from Lincoln Hospital. It seems as though for some reason, a large group of people including myself were looting the stores in the area. In the dream I found myself stealing products and running from the police, as well as a lot of others , so we decided to run though the buildings to escape them. For some reason, they kept getting the drop on us as we tried to drop the items to get away. I see myself running through the buildings and dropping them, but then coming back later to retrieve the same items. It seemed like a cycle as I finally get away with some of the goods at the end, and as soon as I thought I was in the clear, I got caught.
I'm not sure why or when this dream occurs. It starts with me avoiding work with some coworkers trying to go to some sort of event in a stadium. We work in retail at a store under a train station, in what seems like the Bronx. For some reason, I can't see their faces but, I feel like they are friends I used to ride bike with when I lived there. We get off of work and decide to meet to go to said event. I time lapse to when the event ends and now we are around Lehman college, in a park bench where they are smoking weed. As we are chatting about the show, I look up and see a massive explosion in the horizon. It looks like the stadium explodes, and a huge plume and fireball light up the night sky. Then, it explodes again, even more massive as I now see a wave headed towards us. Everyone starts to scatter and run, so I get into my car and drive off. I don't know if it was the weed, liquor, or the explosion but my mind is disoriented. so as I'm driving, I also can't stay awake or focus. I go through a side street that seem familiar, and notice it was a dead end, so I park. I now have a dog with me. For some reason I try to go through someone's apartment. Two women lived here and also had two dogs. The dogs start to bark at each other, The 2 women who were there, were not afraid as I explained to them what's going on. One of the women in the apartment tell me that they can take the dog off of my hands while I figure this out, and tell me that I cant park where my car is. I look out the window and see that I am parked in a driveway. As I leave the dog behind I get in my car and drive down the Bruckner expressway. I then pull over to either get some rest, or gather my thoughts. I notice myself dosing off, when a chubby black man with shades that I have never seen before, thinks I am trying to sell drugs on his block, and tries to kick me off of it. I try to explain to him that I'm not, but he insists on aggressing towards me, and I wound up punching him in the face quickly getting back in my car and driving off. I notice that I am across the highway from where my wife was raised. I drive off after the exchange.
Tonight's dream started on a bicycle trail on Pelham Parkway near where I used to live. I'm walking with a backpack when suddenly three guys pull up on bikes and attempt to rob me. One had a gun held up at me, another attempted to take my pack, and the other tried to go inside of my pockets. As I try to fight them off, the one with the gun manages to ride away with my pack while I was fighting the other two off. I jump on to one of the bikes and proceed to chase him down from Pelham Parkway toward Moshulu Parkway. As I catch up to him I notice him run into a building so I manage to chase him up the stairs and into an apartment.
Last night, I had a dream I had been waiting to have for a very long time. I saw my father and was able to have a conversation with him. My father passed away over 15 years ago, and so for me, there were a lot of unanswered questions. The setting is a building with some sort of slope in our apartment entrance. The slope resembled a handball court. When you walk inside of the apartment, there is a mud room followed by two doors. The door on the left is a walk through bathroom, and the door on the right is a hallway, both leading to the living room. After the living room is an open floor to the kitchen. I noticed for a brief second that his best friend and my uncle are also there spackling something on the wall.
Tonight, time shifted. I'm not sure when or where exactly, but it's in the past. I am a black man living in the projects. It starts with me getting to my block and getting together with the guys from the neighborhood. It seems as though we just got paid and have a routine of getting alcohol and playing numbers (lotto). I'm sitting on what seems to be a metal container next to a bus stop with some friends talking about the lotto when two cars pull up. That's when the guys jump down to rush into the cars and grab a seat. They ask me if I'm going, but I tell them to go ahead ahead.This is when I gain consciousness and realize what's happening. As I sit there trying to figure out who I am and when this is, a couple of women who know me sit next to me and start talking to me. One behind me and one next to me. The one next to me asks why I didn't go with the guys, I respond, I'm not from here, I'm from the future. The one behind me says,You do like like some kind of alien and laughs she says oh mister, what's it like and my response is well, not like this, she says well, I gotta go. The one behind me jumps down to get on the bus and the one that was next to me jumps down because she notices a commotion and a fire going on across the street under the scaffold. I see police officers holding people back from entering the building on the right while some people are on fire on my left. As I attempt to put the fire out on 2 teenagers, one of there fathers were there and slaps my hand away screaming at me, "Don't you dare touch my son!" I grab him by the neck and scream back, "You would rather let him burn than let me save him?!". That's when my alarm went off and I woke up.
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