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Why? after all these years...


To get rid of this choking nostalgia which I’ve been carrying for as long as I can remember… a halo of nostalgia for a youth I never lived! a nostalgia which I even get to feel during my youth… an elusive feeling that has something to do with some 80’s music, the city of GDL, and young women… (perhaps some “Paradise Lost” ¹)


  • To finally say goodbye to my youth…
  • To face my cross, my burden… the burden of appreciating talent the
    most while knowing I don’t have any…
  • Because I wanna forget, I wanna forget in the same way I forgot the
    others before you…
  • Because you let me alone with this story, a story charged of events
    which I didn’t know where to put since nobody gave a fuck…
  • Because it seemed I was the only one who gave a fuck after all…
  • Because it’s been too damn long and I just can’t hold the secret joy of.
    keeping you alive…
  • Because I want to close chapters…
  • Because I’m tired of you being my reference for that kind of “songs”
  • Because I’ve been lost enough time…
  • Because I’m tired to wait for another day to come I’m tired of this
    nonsense time-loop…
  • Because I’m sick of trying to make sense of the coincidences, the
    numbers, the synchronicities, etc…which after all haven’t got me out
    of the pit…
  • Because I refuse to oversimplify all our/my experience and simply
    label it as a collateral effect of loneliness, abandonment, fear of
    rejection, or another bullshit explanation from the new Psychology…
  • Because I refuse to become that sort of cliché of the middle-aged
    man; that man which will live the rest of his days with the uncertainty
    of having lost the one just to eventually settle with “the next best
    thing” out of fear of loneliness and to conform with society…
  • Because I refuse to settle for that kind of “safe love” which most
    people look for these days… the kind of “love” which never will
    inspire true art because isn’t God’s but Psychology’s invention….that
    love which doesn’t make sense and expires soon…
  • Because it’s time you join the others, those that came before you…
    and along with them go rest in the back of my mind, forgotten,
    casual…
  • Because I’m not ready to leave the door open for all the songs that
    talk about unrequited love…
  • Because I still see her face in other women and I keep bumping with
    her name after all this time…


Because looking backwards it doesn’t make sense:

  • Because the time we spent together was so brief and the fights were
    many. I barely made her laugh and she failed to be there for me when
    I needed her the most.
  • Because all in all, it was just a fleeting moment, one during which we
    didn’t say much to each other…
  • Because for me it has been more significant what happened (and
    continue happening) while we had been apart… but that’s just my
    perspective so I can’t help thinking all this story has been one-sided
    and all that happened was only a product of my mind, nothing real,
    just a delusion… the ups and downs, the hope and despair, the fear
    and joy, the expectation and disappointment were only in my mind…
  • Because at this point I just would like to know the truth, the back
    reason for all those experiences, and their purpose (if any) to move
    onto the next stage of my life… I need to feel progress and
    independence !! I need to move forward and to stop the relentless
    burning of time…
  • Because all joy is gone, Thursdays, Fridays, and Mondays all feel the
    same day…

Because I’ve come to realizethat it was until I met you that I understood life…and it was then and only then that I understood that at the end, the story of the world is the story of a girl and a boy…



¹ John Milton Reference

18 мая 2021 г. 1:58:56 0 Отчет Добавить 0
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