I'm always to blame It's the name of her game, she has no shame. I'm never right, it's always my fault, she is never wrong... make a bet.

Can't go on wishing, begging, hoping for your Love. Its broken my heart, your laughing at my feelings tore me apart.

She is like my addiction. Cannot go one day without her. I love to be the focus of her eyes. Love the way she has me in her sights. One day away is one too many. On my heart she has her name, etched there permanently. I need her like the air I breath. I want her. Sandra.

I fell right behind her Following her tail, this girl, this girl played me in her fairy tale. Trust and believe my words are true she became my nightmare I don't know what to do?

Magic is believing In yourself, If you can do this, You'll make all your dreams Come true.

A nightmare Is when all dreams die. A nightmare Is when courage fails. A nightmare Is when fear prevails. A nightmare Is when all your heart does Is cry. A nightmare Is when you stop believing.

Dreams coming true mean you've been you. Listen to the sound, Look at what is done. Learn all you can. Because when you work real hard Sacrifice all other plans. Dreams can come true, even for you.

Roses are red, so is blood. Violets are blue, so am I. The sunrise sucks, the sunset blows. Nothing makes me happy anymore since I closed that door. Hope will kill you, so I chopped its head off. Never again will I let stupid women in. They drain you, emotional vampires that only take, take, take Giving you back heartbreak. Wtf?

It really sucks to love someone and hate them at the same time. When you cry tears for them, and rage at them. It sucks when you want them so bad, and never want to see them ever again. When you think of them all the time, and wish you had never met them. It hurts when you love them and they laugh in your face. It hurts when you love them and are accused of cheating. It sucks that they cannot see, blinded by their own stupidity. It sucks cause she ruined us, and cannot see what she did to me.

Can you hold on to hope, nope, its not a rope. Your hands are empty, nothing is there. Holding on to something false promises and words she said, hope will kill you dead. Move on out, there is no hope here. The signs say it... The heart has shown it... growing colder by the moment. Hope keeps you expecting, hope lies to you. Hope wants you to be in misery its a facade, she never was real. Gave false hope to keep you on the line she watches as you drown, her hope smothering you down.

I tried talking to the one who stole my heart. She believes her own delusions still as she went in for the kill. I know what is hurting me. It is hope. Why do I have hope in someone who will never talk to me, or even answer any question, except with another question? Its foolish of me Hope pulls in my heart tearing me apart. How do I get rid of it I cant handle this. Here I go again back onto a merry go round. She says all the right things then pulls that ball away as I go and try to kick it...

I shut the door on how I feel made up my mind she was not the real deal. Torturing myself over what? If she doesn't want me why want her? I drink a shot or two, or three get up knowing, today, I will cry no more. I do not lover her anymore dont want to see her face no more. Im hurt, scarred and wont forget wont let any woman play me. This brand new day Is the beginning of me loving me without any bullshit getting in the way. I want my joy back she took it. I want it back, and I will.

The worst part of a break up Is when the other person Can go on like you never existed, Like there had been nothing, like we had nothing. No feelings reside, or was even there. It hurts, and yet they can laugh and not give a care. What is this? How can someone play games with anothers heart tear it apart and feel nothing? Blame everything on me yet the truth is her infidelity. They go on as if we never existed ghost us, stonewall us, gaslight us nowadays who can you trust? I dont know the answer

Another day goes by more truth come out proving that she lied. I feel ill when I hear her name I feel stupid falling for her game. What can I do, I loved her. Usually, I have done something wrong Im not perfect now I know all was suspect. Im one shot closer to drinking her away Even though, the answer does not lie at the bottom of an alcohol bottle. Why? I only loved, I want love in return. Why? Love conquers all, they say... I am still waiting another day. Its over and I am not glad. Im sad.

I walked outside today not to bad until I was asked about her. I fled inside, into the bottle. I dont want to go again, tomorrow I must. My emotions are shot How will I ever trust? Why was I so stupid? I should have seen this coming down. I did not cry today, not one tear. I still care holding on to hope. I know there is none Im dangling at the end of my rope. This isnt fun. I drink another bottle going into it full throttle Im surprised I can type still with this bottle I get my fill... Of nil.

Ive secluded myself away going to hide away, another day. Still drinking, But I am still thinking. It burns me inside, filling me with anger and hate. Still, my heart knows I love her. My mind says Im stuoid for sure. I just want to be left alone dying inside. I beat myself up for everything Could I have done more? Its not my fault was unfaithful. My heart hurts and I still cry too much. I cant seem to get straight Im falling out of touch. Save me from myself- I dont want to love her anymore.

Misery does love company I don't. Why spread mine around. Feeling sorry for myself, Its so damn pathetic. Look at me, go away! Cant let you see what she has done to me. A wreck, a mess, nothing good as hours pass, still lying here drinking some more. Hoping beyond all hope she will come Knocking on my door.

This day is the worst, haven't moved, done nothing but drink. Stare at the walls, not caring at all. What do I do? It's over between me and you. Don't want to think, Just have to drink Until I pass out and forget, forget she was once real. Dont know who she is now changed on me. In my dreams I cannot find her always use to be looking now she is nowhere to be found. Hope is gone, crushed under her infidelity. Too many tears today, want love in my heart to die away. Please let it die away. Please.

I lay here missing her, knowing she is in anothers arms. I lay here Im not going to get out of bed. I have a bottle of whisky I have some cola too. Drown my sorrows of the misery she caused. Came last night to cause ruin It worked, I hurt inside. So, today I am not getting up My heart was broken again. Stupid me, I should know better, She calls, I run Only to be humiliated. I should know better. So, this day is still early getting drunk can you feel me? No visitors, unless she comes. Stupid me.

You always hold her hand first. You kiss her first, always. You say I love you first, always. You must drive while she sits in the back seat. You have to go in to get what she wants. You sit around wondering where she is. You hope she wont be mean when she comes. You continue to love her knowing she does not love you or herself. You hug her and she only wants her back cracked. Ignores you for everyone else. Everyone else is more important than you.

Drinking until I pass out. Thinking about her til I cry. I wish I could run away never to be found. My heart is lost, what is the cost? My dignity she took my self worth she forsook. I dont know what to do I should be happy My novel is done. She ruined that joy I feel like a toy. I am trying to rise up I'm consumed with anger love being replaced by hate. Emotions all over the place Cannot sleep Drinking replaces eating. Thinking always leads to drinking. Vicious cycle repeating.

I already feel hopeless. I hurt inside so much. I still long for her touch. I need to stop thinking about her. I have to stop this for sure. Its almost 8 am I need a drink thats my plan To wallow in misery until I can pull myself out. I know it takes a while, almost two years of pain, she did not care at all. Loved to watch me fall. Laughs now So I'll cry later. I cried all night until I passed out. Ready to do it all over again. Need a drink thats what I think. She won her game, shame on me.

It does not matter How I feel. I don't matter at all. No one cares They never cared. Alone in this darkness, no light to call me back. Wandering forever more love is dead within my heart. Adrift on this sea of misery tossed me away to drown or swim Must make it my way. Six times I have drowned in pain I dont want a seventh cannot love again. Im tired, Im done with it. To die alone is my destiny I know who I am dealing with- Me, myself and I. Still I wonder why? Why? Why? Why?

I should be excited I have finished my book But she made me feel like it is nothing. Celebrate, she said. Her motives were all to decieve. I just wanted to share my joy with the one person I truly love. Laughed at me again and again with broken promises in her lips. No celebration was intended only a planned out deception. Found out she has another I meant nothing to her. What a waste of time she laughed again at my book. Made me take another look. Tried to instill doubt in me. Said I am a joke.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride At the same time on a merry-go-round. Its a little good, its a lot bad. I always have that little bit of hope that she would realize come to her senses and I would see love in her eyes. Hope is killing me. Ive been ghosted, again lost within my own emotions. Why cant I hate, It came so easily to her. Im in love with a memory She is not coming back for sure. It takes to to go to war peace is a rarity. Slowly my hope is turning into despairity. I am a fool

Goodby Sandra, You proved to me and I finally see you just used me. Goodbye.

Goodby Sandra, You proved to me and I finally see you just used me. Goodbye.

Goodby Sandra, You proved to me and I finally see you just used me. Goodbye.

I finished my novel, finally writing, The End. It has been a long journey, then somebody made a mockery of my finishing. Somebody took the joy out of my accomplishment. But, Resurgence is done. Thats book 1. Forbearance is book 2 and I have alot of it done, but it needs work. Read Resurgence, by Michael Nichols. Only Prologue to ch. 36 is on Inkspired. The last 6 chapters go to [email protected]. I need someone to read its entirety. And talk to me about it before I try a publisher. Thanx.

Woke up this morning No one by my side. I thought for a moment then came a flash before my eyes... Why did I let her in, again. She is only out for sin. I want love, I want Love, Love. Thats not what she was thinking of. I am weak and I gave in, But, at the last, I saw it there behind her eyes. I was being consumed, accusations, delusions and lies. I could not get away, I cannot get away. I am her slave. I fight for my heart while she laughs, and tears it apart. I lost, again. Somebody save me.

She came to deceive tonight. I let her in, She wanted to fight. I tried to be nice and cool, then she danced for me trying to seduce me. I saw her game as the night went on. I was mesmerized, hypnotized by her magic. Then she said the most stupidest thing... 'I missed you.' After that, she lied about where she had been. I knew the truth, just not how long she had been with him. I saw red, as she left out the door. My heart just spilled onto the floor, again. I am stupid.

Now its time to drink anything and everything. I have to drown myself and my sorrows dont think about tomorrow. Get shit faced drunk until I cannot stand. I hear her, she is back Her whistle is like an attack. Here I go again.

My god, She shown her face, Lied to me about everything. 'I didn't say that' is her favorite thing to say. Denies it all, never culpable for anything she does. It is always me or someone else. Excuses galore, tell me some more. Why did I love her in the first place? Am I the stupid one, for still loving her as she lies to my face?

Another day in this hell Missing her voice, Missing her touch. Even though she wasn't real. Everything I felt was. I loved, I tried She was beyond it all. I just wish, I never loved her at all.

No tears. No voice. No love. No choice, I must forget. No show. No never. No more, As she walked out the door.

No tears. No voice. No love. No choice, I must forget. No show. No never. No more, As she walked out the door.

No tears. No voice. No love. No choice, I must forget. No show. No never. No more, As she walked out the door.

This world is harsh and uncaring Its also beautiful and full of wonders. Stop and smell the flowers that you see everyday. Try and find the good things in life because it is way too short. Time flies so fast on by, lose your regrets if you can. Find what makes you happy, and do it, whatever it is. You only live once. Be true, be you!

If I could turn back time where would I go? To the point in my life before I ever learned about girls. Stick to my pencil and paper persevere writing down the tales. I would never have done all that I've done then I wouldn't be me I would be somebody else. So, If I could turn back time... I would not.

I will pretend she was just a dream never was real, this I shall believe. A figment of my imagination Make believe fascination. I made her up in my mind talking to myself trying to unwind. Go to sleep alone everynight in my dreams she is very real.

Another day has come and gone Still no word from the ghoster. It figures, her love was all fake. What does it take, to play with anothers feelings until they are about to break? Shame on her, Shame on me for allowing it. And why do I want to see her so bad? Glutton for punishment?

I should have known From the beginning she was wrong. Acting superior, I knew I didn't belong. In her world, so small and the bottle her only friend.

Another day goes bye I cannot help but cry Twisted and lost Loving her, I paid the cost. Don't want to think Don't want to drink Cannot breathe Cannot believe I lost my love to delusions Its all so confusing. If this is the end it sucks, I cannot pretend.

Stop being fake. Always mean unless you want something. Once you get it, You turn mean and fake again. Is it so hard to be nice and true. You have no integrity, White lies are still lies. A sin is still a sin. When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?

You know what really sucks? Women who dont behave like women. A man cannot be, will not be, a man to a woman If they will not be a woman. Thats all we ask. Learn.

Whats up with everyone using everyone else for whatever they can get? What happened to integrity? What happened to morality? Has this world truly fallen to evil? From the rich, to the poor, Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, Lust, Avarice & Wrath seems to have infected 90% of the population. Humanity is doomed.

Another day goes by My heart hurts. She doesnt care. I hold on to hope, though I dont know why. Ive been ghosted again. Funny how, she has to win.

Today, I still hate. But, I also love. She makes me choose... Hate, like her. Misery, like her. Alcohol, like her.

Have you ever been accused of cheating? Knowing the truth, you did not do it. Never would do it. Yet, day in and day out She continues to shout. But, what does she hide? Caught her in too many lies. I wonder??

I lost my love to alcohol. Drowning herself in too much alcohol. She does not care about me or herself. Just continues to take another damn drink. I dont know what to think.

You know why, because today I Hate. I am hurt, and I Hate. I really hurt inside, and i HATE.

If you wonder if you are a narcissist and you make the attempts to make sure you are not, worried that you are, then you are not one. It is those that know for sure they are not without blinking an eye. They wont even consider it. They are the narcissist. Run away from them. Dont get caught in their trap. Its all just a game to them.

I realized too late that she is no good. I did not see it. I wore rose colored glasses All the while kissing her ass. She hates herself I don't. Never says sorry Always accuses Deflects every conversation Back unto me. If I need help, She needs a mental ward.

I lost my breath when we first met Now, I want it back. And take this knife out of my back.

Doomed from the start She did not care I fell in love with a narcissist I wasn't aware. I got used and abused by her claws Now I sit here hurt and wanting her still I have to find a way I have to stop loving her. Why be with someone Who does not love you? I kept trying I was the one crying Now that it is done Let her believe she has won. I try not to care She poisoned me I'm well aware.