I've been dying to tell you, but unsure on how I could do so. I do not know how I can go on with this that we are/made together. You know, it's just us, but it's an us that scares me and makes me want to cry sometimes. I know I've learned a lot from you, but I'm not sure how things can work now on. I feel like I'm living inside a box and that's never a good thing, right? It seems that the only way to get out of it is by being right by your side - at least that's what I hope for. Maybe that's like peanut allergy, you know? When someone is allergic to it, but really likes having a peanut sandwich. What if I am allergic to you, your love and all I want is to have it - but I can't. I think I shouldn't feel blue as I am, if I could choose I would feel green. With you. Being us. You and me. I wish feeling green because then, we could recycle and reuse the best of us both. Whenever we want.
As watching the time passing in the clock all that comes to me is the wish of spending that time with you. Being us again. All of these feelings, they are so much that can't just be inside me. They turned into words. My fingernails started to hurt today. And that's weird. People are not supposed to feel their fingernails. But when I miss you, I feel them. My whole body can be felt by me. All I am. All I have. At the same time, everything taste like sugar, cotton cloudy sweet - if you're here by my side. Because you're soft: in your movements, words and acts. And I do miss that. All the fucking time we're apart. Do you remember when we watched that video, that said that couples who listen to music together tend to get well better and do more sex? That was so funny to watch, because it looked that it was made for us. Like a response from the world to point that we're doing right, being together. It may sound weird believing on that kind of stuff, but I do. Like the blood that runs inside my veins, my whole body, my whole self is sure about the love I feel for you. I wish I could be running into your direction now. I could hug you, kiss you and see that amazing smile you have. Like you were mine, like I was yours.
I want it all. But I'm not sure how it can work between us. Sometimes I think love is kind like a horse - you know the animal. Horses are beautiful, but they tend to be scaring - at least to me. Our love sometimes is a soft horse that just need to be cuddle and get some warm hugs. On the other side, our love can also be rough and unpolite. It all scares me, the loving and rough side of it.
Now, there's only one thing I am sure about: this letter won't be sent. Maybe an empty envelope would make more sense than me.
I love you.
Merci pour la lecture!