jankyfluffy Janky Fluffy

Romantasy with 45% more cringe, 15% too many characters, and lame jokes. Florence didn’t plan to rescue the adorable Prince Blackstone, nicknamed The Damsel, especially since her slimy ex cheated on her with the prince’s oldest sister. She is forced to deal with a 19-year-old evil queen whose tantrums involve murder. Character List: Prince Blackstone Kingston, aka The Damsel, is a kidnapped prince. His age is 22. Florence Green is a tough-as-steel and strong girl tasked with the prince’s rescue. She is a 24-year-old neurodivergent fairy.


Humour Déconseillé aux moins de 13 ans.

#romance #romantasy #comedy #romanticcomedy #satire #evilqueen #laserguns #magic #prince #strongfemale #strongfemalelead #adhd
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Chapter 1 The Distant Future

The Planet Fire and Ice: Under the Dome Castle Grounds:

Prince Blackstone ran from the woman through the servant’s door and into the woods.

“Come on, just one little date. I saved you from being locked inside that drafty castle.” The curvy woman chased him. Her skin color changed from green to purple. “I need a cute prince.”

“Keep away from me, you creeper. How can you chase me down wearing spiked heels?” Blackstone attempted to escape, but he stumbled. His long, blond hair flowed behind him, and the silken strands appeared illuminated by the artificial moonlight.

“Honey, I’m not the only one chasing you.”

Prince Alva snatched Blackstone from behind. “Gotcha, pretty boy.” His black leather uniform clung to his muscular body.

“Wendy!” Blackstone attempted to tear off the man’s wooden mask.

Alva covered Blackstone’s mouth with his gloved hand.

“Please, don’t slaughter him or maim his pretty face,” Queen Izz begged. “He’s dreamy.”

“Can it, Mother,” Prince Alva said.

Queen Izz jumped up and down. Her voice lowered, and her skin turned purple to blue. “How sweet. You finally called me, Mother. Okay, do what you want to him.”

Alva dragged the prince away.


Next Night:

A crystal chandelier sparkled like starlight inside the dim tower.

“You answer to me!” Alva stomped on Griffin’s leg.

Griffin screamed in pain and transformed into a cat. He batted his former friend with his paws, but they had no effect, and he partially transformed back.

Alva pushed him hard, and Griffin went flying to the gray wall.

He mewed in anguish.

Two dozen of Alva’s men surrounded him. Shadows obscured and distorted their masks.

Florence swung from the open window. She grabbed Griffin and used a grappling hook to reach the school building before Alva and his men could reach him.

“This is your fault because your brain is broken.” Griffin kicked a child’s desk, but it didn’t budge.

“What?” she asked. “No one else had a problem with my performance.”

“If your brain worked, I would’ve picked you for the command spot instead of Alva, and he has powers.” Griffin fell over a tower of pink blocks.

“You mean Alva had them.” Florence squeezed her hand and bit her lip. Rage flickered in her eyes. “No, you chose him over me because he was your special magic buddy. The traitor declared himself the supreme warden of the kingdom’s prisons. I warned you that the creep was going to betray us.”

“Maybe he has a crush on you. Alva has no taste.” He leaned against the chalkboard, and colored dust rubbed on his leather jacket.

“I’m done rescuing you.” Florence sat on top of the teacher’s desk.

“You didn’t rescue me.” He puffed out his chest.

“Show me that your powers even work, lift four men at once, or put me to sleep with sandman magic. Bet you can’t,” she said mockingly.

He stiffened, and his hand made a stop sign. “You’re still in love with me, and it’s pathetic.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Unless... you want to make out a little.” Griffin played with her auburn curls.

She yanked herself away. “Go kiss your wife.” Florence gave him a completely bombastic side-eye. “No, I’m not, and I’m only here to inform you that it’s not only Blackstone that disappeared. Your mentor is in danger. If you’re the one who betrayed them, I’ll drag you.”

“Wow, you don’t believe me.”

Florence’s cell phone rang. She answered it.

“It’s your mother. I heard Griffin dumped you. Baby, you’ll never do better.”

“You’re not even my stepmother,” Florence grunted to herself. “And if Griffin is the best I can do, I better stop dating. Because he’s scum.”

“Hey!” Griffin yelled.

“Oh, come on, it’s true,” Florence snapped. “You’re lucky; I even saved you.”

“Working for your father isn’t successful,” her father’s ex-wife yelled over the phone. “And you’ve bailed my son out of jail. Bail me out as well. No one else will lend me the money.”

Florence hung up and blocked the woman. “Griffin, talk to Wendy and explain yourself.” She left through the classroom door and slammed it twice.

Three Months Later:

“I’ll die when I want to.” Prince Blackstone’s once lovely body appeared to be nothing more than a bruised sack of bones, desperately clutching to his last bit of life.

Queen Petunia pulled her burgundy-colored hair back. “Tell us where your sister is or open the vault for us.”

Blackstone attempted to yell, but his voice sounded soft. “Not happening.” His eyes stared off into space. “Where am I again?”

“We moved you.” Prince Alva smacked his arm and laughed. “The dungeon is only for important prisoners. Do you still think you’re a character in a romance novel?”

“The drugs destroy your appetite,” Petunia whispered.

“Without him, there will be no royal spare.” Prince Alva’s fingers tightened around Blackstone’s wrist.

She yanked Alva’s mask off and pressed her lips to his.

“Please, let me speak to Wendy,” Blackstone begged.

Alva ran his fingers through her silken hair and spoke. “If he dies, Wendy will be sad, and we’ll use her instability against her.” He removed the bottle of truth potion from his pocket.

“Wendy is a snitch. Who do you think narked on us to our stupid mentor? She is why we lost our power. I want to hurt her.” Queen Petunia stomped her foot and curls fell over her shoulders.

Prince Alva kissed her cheeks. “Nothing can be traced back to you.” He stepped around the cell. Flecks of red and gold paint from the man’s wooden mask fell onto the cement floor.

The 19-year-old fixed her makeup and tossed her lipstick to the floor. “But I need to fund my war against my former allies! I can only earn so much in taxes, and I’m having to resort to outright thievery.” She stomped on the floor and screamed. “I want everything now. Life is so unfair!”

“Don’t do that,” Alva snapped.

She stopped mid-tantrum. “I’m leaving you in charge. Deliver him to the castle in two days. You can continue his integration there. Don’t worry. If Blackstone dies, his father doesn’t care.”

“Yes, Queen Petunia.” Prince Alva kissed her harshly.

She kissed him back. “My magical replacement lives with my former mentor.”

Alva, the tormentor, stayed behind. He slid the Magical Chewie Stick and sucked in the blend of magic. Light poured out of his mouth and eyes. Alva coughed.

“Sir, your Magical Chewie Stick is killing you, and with your luck, I’ll outlive you.” Prince Blackstone’s half-corpse-like hand knocked into the man’s silver potion bottle, spilling violet syrup onto the stone floor.

Alva tucked the Magical Chewie Stick into his black coat and attempted to pour caustic liquid into Blackstone’s mouth.

“I might slaughter him when I return.” Alva took another hit from his Magical Chewie Stick.

The Other Prisoner:

The hulking man in the cell across from the prince struggled to get up.

Edgar wasn’t drunk enough to ignore Blackstone’s abuse.

“The next time I’m back, I win,” Edgar whispered. He stared at the battered prince, pretending he didn’t see Blackstone’s trembling fingers reach up into nothingness.

An officer administered drugs to Edgar to help with the withdrawals. “It’s up to you to save him.”

“I’ll need my sister’s help,” Edgar whispered. “But she’s too busy saving that loser ex of hers.”


Tribeca’s Cottage:

Another young soldier burst through the door. His face appeared wolf-like. He snatched her pendant off her neck.

Tribeca grabbed him by the tail, tossed him to the ground, and retrieved her jewelry. He bolted up.

Tribeca lifted her hand, and a wave of air pushed him into a broom closet, but he glanced at her with tears clinging to his fur.

She tried to reach for the werewolf. “It’ll be okay.”

“Pay no attention to Hansel. Give us the girl.” Petunia slugged her.

Florence burst in disguised with a robe and a reproduction of Alva’s mask.

“Where is Griffin? He was supposed to be here to get us out?” Tribeca asked.

Florence handed her keys. “I bought a wind-up carriage for you to escape into the haunted woods. It’s on Third Street. When you’re done, leave it by the creek.”

Tribeca wore a mask of well-lived joy. Her prematurely gray hair framed her heart-shaped face. Being the mentor, she should’ve been selected to die, but she had to raise her much younger sister, Astrid.

The child stuffed black bread and berry jam into it and made sure the money was still there. “Queen Petunia is here to force us to work for her.”

“We want the child.” A soldier yanked at her hair.

Florence kicked him in the shin.

Tribeca wiggled her fingers, and a small rock flung across the kitchen, striking the attacking soldier with gold and red armor. He lunged at her again with his broadsword.

Plates danced in the air and pelted him.

Another soldier leaped out of the window with her sack of tokens.

“Thieves!” She attempted to use her magic to bring tokens back to her, but she didn’t know where the soldier fled.

Objects vanished as the soldiers tried to grab them. They smashed her red and gold tea cups and her black dinner plates.

Tribeca screamed. “I’m Petunia’s former mentor, and it’s a terrible idea! Unlike you, I practice my magic and haven’t broken the rules.”

Magic flowed from Tribeca’s body and through her fingertips.

Her attacker’s flying body was only stopped by a stone wall.

“Telekinesis is too powerful for a pathetic hag. Is your sister doing this?” he asked. “Or is she your daughter?”

“Sure, a 9-year-old can wield all this power.” Lightning bolts emerged from her fingers.

“The queen wielded that power at eight.” The troop member flung himself at her.

“She was seventeen.” Florence flung him into his buddies before he could stab Tribeca.

The man fled the kitchen and the cottage. “Retreat!”

Queen Petunia ran outside. “Idiot woman, you can’t hide in your shack forever. You’re elderly and useless. It’s why you were my mentor. Chosen ones are supposed to be young and pretty.”

“You saw me perform my magic, and I’m not an elderly woman, just middle-aged without fancy cosmetics. You should hope that one day you’ll have a couple of wrinkles. My experience is a privilege.” Tribeca groaned to herself.

The troops fled, stumbling through the village.

A voice came from the sky and screamed to distract Petunia and Alva. “What have you done to Blackstone?”

“Griffin didn’t tell you.” Alva laughed to himself. “He’s too scared to help.”

Florence helped Tribeca and Astrid through a side door. “I left hair dye in the carriage and some money, but not the tokens you’ll need. The soldiers robbed me, too.”

A wave emitted from Tribeca’s hand glowed, and her entire cabin vanished.

“What about the boy in the closet?” Astrid asked.

“The magic will save him, hopefully,” Tribeca replied.

Florence guided them to the carriage and wound it up. “You need to leave.”


The Glass Heart Kingdom:

Griffin clutched Blackstone’s sister’s hand.

Cora’s red wig fluttered in the light breeze as they went to the edge of the kingdoms and stared at the pink sky dome that sheltered them from the harshness of the planet. She pulled away from him.

“What about my brother?” Cora asked Griffin.

“I’m sorry about Blackstone, but I need—”

“Shut up! You helped Alva and Petunia.” Wendy, the clear pink dome, interrupted. Her massive form protected two hundred kingdoms and people who lived underneath her from the acidic wind, harsh but unseen sun, and icy snow outside on the seemingly uninhabitable planet.

“What?” Griffin asked.

Wendy’s voice cracked. “You’re evil. At least Alva doesn’t hide it.”

“No one loves Blackstone more than I do.” Cora trembled.

“I’m so sad,” Wendy said. The dome shook, and clouds formed inside her.

“We were friends once,” Griffin whispered.

Wendy yelled. “No, Blackstone is my friend. Find him! You and I were forced to work together. I’ve always hated you. Does Cora know you cheated on her, too?”

Cora’s expression softened. “Yes, I know.”

Griffin turned into a cat and transformed back. “Wait, I didn’t cheat on you again. You’re loopy and making things up.”

Cora said nothing, and she folded her arms.

In the snow outside, a small Lower Labradorite man bounced. He was the same race as Wendy, but he formed a humanoid body.

“Dex, I need to talk to you. I mean, Griffin and I need to talk to you.” Cora trembled.

“No! You are not allowed to talk to him.” Griffin huffed.

“Cora, I need to talk to my friend first,” Dex said. “But I’m not angry at you.” He narrowed his eyes at Griffin. His translucent flesh turned solid, and his skin changed from green to purple.

“I changed my mind to talk to him alone. I can get better answers from Wendy without you,” Griffin said.

“What, so you can try to cheat on me with her too?” Cora asked.

“Not in front of Dex! You’re acting paranoid.”

Dex spoke. “Wow, stop talking to her like that. She’s your wife.”

Griffin stepped back. “I have more important things, like helping Cora take the crown back from Petunia.”

Cora sighed.

Wendy rained on Griffin for a second. “You might not believe this, but I’m not an oracle. The book is, and if you followed the rules, you wouldn’t have lost your powers.” A pink arm stretched out of the sky, clutching a four-inch book.

“I’m still a chosen one.” Griffin tried to snatch her book.

She tossed the book at his head. “The book is no longer for you. The magic ink blotted out your name.” Wendy hushed for a moment. “You’re not chosen anymore. We’re done, so shut your trap. You cheated on Florence and hurt Dex and Cora. I hate you. If you want me not to hate you, find Blackstone.”

“Why are you so testy?” Griffin turned into a cat. “Are you in love with Blackstone?”

“Don’t be gross,” Wendy said dryly. “I also need his help. Petunia is also trying to kill and replace me because I said no to her. She is having one long, murderous tantrum.”

Griffin said nothing.

“But that would kill 70% of the population,” Dex said. “Even Petunia can’t be that idiotic.”

Wendy spoke to her friend. “She is that dumb, but your parents love her idea of replacing her. Petunia won’t need money if she controls her life, but she doesn’t think that far ahead.”

“She’d need powerful magic to replace you.” Griffin chased a mouse.

Wendy’s arm came down, and she patted Griffin’s head. “Being adorable won’t work.”

He turned back into a human. “Fine.”

Wendy spoke. “Petunia has the magic, and while it’s not enough to kill me yet, she’s threatened my aunts and uncles with it.”

A police officer ran to them. “Did Wendy tell you Tribeca was attacked? She’s gone.”

“I was getting there,” Wendy snapped. “Griffin, you forgot to show up. I sent Florence because she’s reliable.”

26 Août 2024 20:42 1 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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