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The moments we visit alone

J,


—The really difficult times are the ones where I'm alone. Forgetting is something that takes time and a true effort to accomplish. I don't want to forget, I don't want it to stop hurting. When that time comes that means that you are truly gone.


When we first met, i never knew what kind of effect you were going to have on me. You had this gravitational pull about you. I saw your heart immediately, and I was jealous of its hue. I could also see the terrible sadness in your eyes. I told you before that eyes are the window to the soul. No matter how hard you wanted to, you couldn't hide what was inside. I was told by others of your situation, I chose to ignore it. I wanted to know you, truly know you.


That's exactly what happened. I met the love of my life. I didn't know it at the time. You showed me just how precious and beautiful that heart of yours is. When I felt you, your soul, in the time we spent together I knew I wanted it forever.


I myself am broken, I can say that I'm not, but we both know. I've always thought to myself "rebuild from what broke you" words that I've tried to actively live by. Since the moment you reached out to me that day, I've done everything in my power to just be better. That's what I thought you deserved. Better.


The sadness in your eyes lead to your heart. A heart that was designed for love. A heart that was taken advantage of. A heart that I wanted nothing more than to forever take care of and protect until the day I die.


Here we are now. A journey we took together and ended up at different destinations. A journey that I held your hand the whole way and you held mine. My love for you has fueled me the entire way. Even as I write this to you... if you are there. My mind is trying to fight what I feel for you. It's trying to make me give up and just go on without. In the past I've been capable of this, but not now.


Miles away I can still feel you.


A love that neither of us knew was possible in this world. A love we found by accident. A love we walked away from.


I don't know why, but I do know it wasn't easy. At night I can only hope that I'm there in your head like the way you are for me. Closing my eyes has become a curse. Your face, your smile, and the love in your eyes for me haunt me every second. Perhaps in your mind you thought it was an act of mercy. An attempt to protect my heart.


Remember when we first met? You told me you had alot if baggage. I told you to set it right next to mine. I meant every word I ever said to you.


I now sit, alone with swollen eyes. I retrace our steps on our journey together and try to find where we lost one another. This process is painful but at the same time it's nice to feel you again.


I write this, for no reason other than to try and get everything out of my head. I want the pain to be over, but if it's over that means you are gone. I stand by what I said to you.


You are wrong.


I go back and look at our pictures together, and I've never seen so much love and happiness on someone's eyes. I remember the things you said to me. You built me up so high, just to leave me behind. Like an ancient pyramid, you crafted somethings so beautiful and perfect just to mysteriously leave it all behind.


I don't hate you, if I did this would be easy. I want to wait around in hopes that you realize it's meant to be us.


I fear that all of this has been much easier for you. You have a person to keep you distracted and to soak your emotions into. You told me you hoped that our journey wasn't for nothing. I say it was for nothing only because I knew what I wanted ever since I looked into your eyes. I wasn't there to learn a lesson. For you though, maybe I was the lesson.


I never dreamed i would meet someone like you. I gave up on trusting people and I gave up on loving anyone. You managed to change that. You managed to get me to care for someone.


I hope all of this isn't just you trying to prove something to yourself. I hope it's not you trying to overcome sense of internal pride. I could be wrong about everything. You could actually be happy, genuinely. I just thought it was going to be me. For the first time in my life I saw a real future with someone. I could close my eyes and feel inside our love amd our happiness. No second guessing or sitting wondering if you are enough.


You say you don't deserve certain things. You deserve true happiness.


Maybe you don't believe me when I say you can come back. You know me, I've already thought about it and I mean it. I also meant that I want you to be happy, even if that means it's not with me.


I promised to take care of you. If that means staying away from you then I can find a way to do it. I cry for you every single day.


For the time being, I will admit my defeat again. I will accept that I can't pretend we will never be together.


I will miss not just our love, but our friendship that we built along the way. For now I have to accept that we will be buried separately.


I love you, now and until the end of time. Know that I will always be waiting. Don't forget what I told you.


When everything seems miserable. I'll be your wish upon a star.


16 Mars 2024 17:37 2 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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JB Jewel Berger
MG, you are my favorite author! Please keep writing
March 17, 2024, 02:06

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