fanfiction_writer Nix Buhagiar

The reader has some struggles and she suffers from depression, anxiety, SH and really negative thoughts. Everything seems hopeless for her since she has lost everything. The Doctor comes to rescue her in time and she decides to try and help her recover. The reader has the ability to see auras and sense emotions since she is an empath. Yaz the Doctor's girlfriend is there too and they all develop feelings for each other but will they all admit how they feel or will it stay hidden? Contains mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, grief, anxiety, panic attacks, gender dysphoria and loss


Fanfiction Série/ Doramas/Opéras de savon Déconseillé aux moins de 13 ans.

#depression #anxiety #sh #doctorwhofanfiction #doctorwho #xreader #sci-fi #fanfiction #13thdoctor #mentalhealth #polyrelationship #lgbt #empath #auras #suicideattempt #13xyazxreader #poly #loss #grief
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Lost friend

(Y/n's) POV


It happened like I knew it would all those years ago when I had first met her. Everyone else had left me and my parents abandoned me. She did as well and I thought she cared about me. She didn't, she was just pretending all along which hurt me more than anything. I felt like I had just been ripped apart and I was just breaking. It had been days since I talked to her and I just felt so sick all the time from the aching sadness I had felt. I was caring about her and looking out for her because I was her friend.


I wasn't sure what to do and most times just didn't want to do anything because everything reminded me of her but the fact is she wasn't just a friend but a sort of crush so that made it hurt a lot more than if she was just someone I was close with. I wished for more but that never happened and now she is gone like the rest of them, I wished I never showed her my powers because then she would still be here and I wouldn't be in so much pain.


I started crying again for the...well I don't know how often I have cried now but I cry so much nowadays which is so unlike me because I barely ever cry so I wasn't used to it all, I always was prepared with tissues though in case I got the waterworks again. All I ever did was wipe the tears away and ignore the pain as best as I could, I did everything as a distraction such as writing, music, playing the piano but it never made me feel relieved of it.


Nothing did and I wasn't sure what to do anymore besides cry and just use the useless distractions which never worked, they gave me something to do though so I wasn't just sitting around all day doing nothing and it prevented me from getting bored which happened easily to me. I had a job too and school still since I was only 17 so I still had to learn but I didn't care much for either not like I used to, right now they didn't matter that much to me.


I used to love both of them but now I just go to school because it is a legal requirement and I go to work because I need the money and I don't have anyone else to rely on so I can live comftably thanks to my parents abandoning me. That was real nice of them and all they could do was leave me a note saying take care of the house and don't expect them to come back because they found a nicer house but they can't be bothered with selling this house and they didn't want to bring me with them because they hate the fact that I am their daughter.


That hurt more than anything but I just acted like nothing happened and sometimes pretended they were still here with me when I fell asleep at night but as soon as I woke up I remembered that I was alone and had no one besides myself. This friend I met not long after my adoptive parents also gave up on me and they gave me hope, I had someone else and was no longer alone which is what I had gotten used to. I couldn't remember what it was like to be cared for, I wasn't sure what to expect but in the moment having someone felt so much better than having nothing beside myself.


I felt like I deserved someone again and I felt loved but of course it couldn't last because this was me we were talking about. I had the worst luck when it came to people staying in my life and I hoped that with this new friend it would be different but of course it was just the same as it was with everyone else. I feel like I can no longer trust anyone anymore and I am not sure how I can get others in my life if that is the case because trust is so important and without trust then there is nothing to go on so what is the point then.


She twisted it around, made it out I didn't trust her. It tore me apart because we had been talking for so long. I trusted her with everything, and I have never trusted anyone as quickly as I have with her. If there was ever a situation where I was trapped on a high building and she asked me to jump in her waiting arms I would. I trusted her with my life, I handed a piece of myself but now that part is gone forever so I must learn to live without it. I won't ever be the same. My heart won't heal right.


How can I match with anyone, my heart won't fit right with theirs because of how scarred and misshapen it is. Maybe it isn't really but it feels like it. No one wants a damaged heart when they could have a fixed one. Even if I move on, I will always be upset about losing the one person I thought truly cared about me. I came back into reality realising I zoned out again. I wiped my eyes to feel warm tears had built up underneath them. I didn't want that and didn't deserve the relief of the tears, so I pushed them back. I decided to go to sleep seeing no point in staying awake. I always felt so tired nowadays feeling like getting through even an hour of the day was too much to handle.


I started to plan something that I shouldn't but my broken mind needed hope to escape the pain. I sighed in happiness that I would be able to escape the pain soon. I would make myself wait first because I didn't deserve it right away. Everyone seemed to think that I didn't deserve happiness and now I think that too, so I think I'll just leave the world behind.

2 Novembre 2023 12:10 0 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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