M
Mariana Paiva


Where everyone has wings, but they can only fly when they are loved, more specifically, when they feel loved. Or Where Jimin loves flying and flies higher than any other kid, but comes crashing down, until 2013…


Fanfiction Groupes/Chanteurs Tout public.

#bts #wingsAU #childhood #self-hatred #self-love #growth #self-esteem-issues #no-smut #love #platonic-love #eating-disorder #angst #happy-ending #recovery #park-jimin-is-precious #recover #relapsing #fluff #preening #ot7
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Fake Love

Park Jimin loved his wings, they were the purest of whites with streaks of gold, his mother used to say wings showed the soul of its owner and his told the whole world what a pure and precious little boy he was, just like his mother had wished upon the stars before he was born. So Jimin felt loved.


Every time any of her friends showed up, his mother would gush about her sweet boy, showing off his wings. "Such a pretty little thing!", her friends would say. Jimin felt the most loved.


And that's why he learned to fly so early on, he took to soaring the skies quite often. Felling free and loved, because the more you're loved, the higher you can fly. He loved flying. The cool air on his face, the wind rushing through his hair, the stars above him, but so much closer than on the ground. The feeling of being weightless when he reaches the highest point just before he starts falling only opening his wings wide to stop the fall and land graciously. He was a talented flyer, and so so much loved.


When he was 5 and went to kindergarten he showed off his wings as his mother always did, amazing his new "friends", and at first all of them were also amazed by the height he could achieve, they laughed and played together with him, and Jimin kept showering in love. Every new friend lifted him inches up in the sky and that's when he became Icarus, as if he had flown to close to the sun, he had to come down. And for once it wasn't a graceful landing.


Jimin loved flying so very much that sometimes he didn't even realize he was going up up up. His friend would call him down "Why are you so high up", "We can't play if you're so far". And Jimin would come down, he didn't want to make his friends sad. But sometimes they liked to race, flying race, to see who could go the higher, and Jimin would go, up up and up again, he would always win. "Jimin always wins!", "Teacher! Jimin is cheating on flying!", "How can someone go so high?", his friend would say.


The little kids they were, jealousy ate away their friendliness. "Jimin is strange…", "Jimin can't play with us because he always wins", "Jimin shouldn't go so high, he's too fat for that!". And like that Jimin started losing his friends, with his friends went the love he felt, and his descent started. "See! He can't fly that high anymore!", "He's too fat now!", the laughter followed him through primary school.


Every classmate heard about how Park Jimin cheated on flying and no-one wanted to befriend the cheater kid. They too watched as he started flying lower and lower. But still, no child flew that high. No child was so lovable, accepting and giving like Jimin, so no child felt the love he used to feel.


On first grade his mother taught him how to preen his own feathers, "You already are a big boy, you can take care of yourself.", she was now too busy. His brother was turning 6 and his gold gold wings were getting all ruffed up with his playing, so she didn't have the time to look after both of them. Jimin loved his brother, he loved him with all of his heart, and of course, he still loved his mother as deeply as he did before, but he couldn't feel loved anymore. Preening was an affectionate action, it showed love and care, mothers preened their child's feather for the longer they could before the child insisted they were too old and made them stop.


It hurt Jimin, it dug like a knife on his heart. Seeing his mother taking care of his little brother, nuzzling him and preening his pretty gold feathers, just like his, but his brother was one-colored, and wings on one single color were so rare and so precious.


At the age of 8, on a dark night, Park Jimin decides to go see the stars above his house, but when he tries to lift himself from the floor it doesn't really shock him that he just hovers above the ground. His feet only lifting a few inches, and even though it isn't a surprise, Jimin still cries. He cries until he falls asleep and feels the most unloved. But when he wakes up he has a new resolve. He can't fly, but he won't let others feel the same way he does, Jimin will give love, he'll give all the love he can muster, and maybe maybe one day someone will give him that love back.


Next time he goes to school he doesn't talk to his colleagues, just smiles, he doesn't react to their taunting, so they take it as a free pass. A target is painted over his back. "Jimin never gets angry!", "Jimin does any favor you ask for!", and Jimin does. He always smiles and helps whoever his seeking help, but they never stay. They receive what they were looking for and go their merry way, never looking back at him.


Seventh grave comes around and the PE teacher asks for all the students to show their flying capabilities, and everyone who knew Jimin laughs. They didn't know, but they suspected, they hadn't seen Jimin flying for 7 years, so when the teacher turns around to help another student they provoke "Go on Jimin! Show us your flying!". But when Jimin's turn comes around, he just shies away and shakes his head, looking at the floor.


"What is going on Park?", the teacher inquires.


"I can't ", he whispers, voice cracking and eyes prickling.


Silence follows the news, and sneers go around the students, while the teacher is to stun to react or pay attention to them. Flying made up most of the PE curriculum for middle and High School.


"We'll find something for you to do in the meantime", the teacher pats Jimin's shoulder.


From time to time some students couldn't fly, they were, after all, teenagers and went through many changes so every school had a back-up plan for those students until they could fly.


And that's when Jimin joined the flightless PE class. It's was supposed to be a passing thing, he would just stay there for a few days or weeks before he could join his regular class, but that never came to happen.


During his stay with the special class, he met many unfortunate people. Some were abused and neglected, Jimin didn't think he was like that. Others hated themselves so much they couldn't even phantom anyone ever loving them, Jimin didn't think he was like that either. So Jimin shared his love with them.


He helped them fight back, find people who loved them as much as they deserved, and helped them discover that there were so many pretty things about them that just made them unique and so special, that they deserved to love and be loved. And they all flew away. As everything on his life, nothing stayed, only he did.


"What do you think about dancing?", professor Min from the flightless class once asked him, during eighth grade, "I hear dancers usually start off on the ground, but end up on the sky."


Jimin felt like it was the right choice. Dancing had a ring to it that he couldn't shake off. And the prospect of flying again was so so exhilarating. But things weren't that easy.


Dance asked for perfection, and what was harder to attain than perfection itself? Nothing. Or maybe, love. For Jimin, nothing was harder than being loved, or than receiving it and keeping it, because even love he had lost. So he decided to fight for dance, because, maybe he wasn't loved, but he loved dancing.


Thus, even though it was never never enough, he kept doing it. He did it at school and he did it on the streets, and he knew people loved to see him dancing, but they didn't love him. How could they? It was during one of his street performances, on the summer of his 16th birthday that he had an epiphany, maybe he wasn't so different from those people who he'd helped learning about love. But what could he do? No one gave him the love to make him change, but how would anyone ever love someone so fat, untalented, imperfect, broken?


High school came and he had to audition before the beginning of the term, follow all the guidelines he was given, which included tidy wings. Mrs. Min had filled a recommendation letter for him to get into Busan Arts High School and he hadn't preened his wings in so long, but he still needed to go through an evaluation to be accepted.


He hadn't looked at his wings for so long, but how could he? They were supposed to show his "pure and precious self", but how could anyone like him be linked to such powerful words? And that's why he waited until the very last moment to ready his wings for the performance. He sat on his bed the night before and extended his wings, dreading the sight of them, the emotions they would bring. When he laid his eyes on them a knot formed in his throat.


They weren't "pure" nor "precious", his feathers were blend and messy. The white became a shadow of grey, and the gold lost its shine. Jimin fisted his feathers and fought to get the air to his lungs, his airways felt like they were closing in, his vision was getting clouded with unshed tears and his mind was fogged. You can't even take care of yourself, why would anyone want to have you? He stumbled to the bathroom feeling nauseous and turned on the shower. That night Jimin spent hours trying to clean and straighten up his wings. His wings were far from being back to what they were years ago, but he still got into the art school and kept dancing and dancing to no end.


Then during his second year, another proposition came in.


"Big Hit is coming to Busan, why don't you try auditioning?", Mrs. Min said over the phone, she got used to checking on him from time to time to see if he got better, it was her duty, he assumed, "You know that idols always fly the higher."


Jimin felt like scoffing, but he didn't out of respect for his elder. Dancing was supposed to help him fly. He loved dancing, he really did, but the bitterness he felt was starting to grow each day that passed. But, " Idols always fly the higher"…. The little boy inside of him was still dreaming of stars at the reach of an arm, and the wind flowing around him, so he ended up agreeing.


And he was accepted.


Park Jimin, 17 years old Park Jimin got accepted and became a recruit for Big Hit Entertainment. After that his life became hectic.


One day he had to go to the main building of the company and as he was turning a corner he bumped into someone. He felt a hand grab his arm to steady him and looked up. The first thing he saw was the wings that accompanied his "savior". Champagne feathers invaded his vision and his breath caught up, they were on one solid color and shined in the light. They were well kept and Jimin couldn't stop his own wing from retracting, making themselves look smaller as if ashamed of their unkempt state.


"Are you okay?", the other asked.


Jimin finally moved his eyes to the face of the owner of such beautiful wings. Noticing that it was a man not much older than him, accompanied by another man on a suit, who was talking on the phone and staring at them from time to time.


"Yes, I'm sorry. I should have looked where I was going!", Jimin bowed, apologizing, "You didn't get hurt, did you?", he looked the other over, ending up with his eyes on the other's wings yet again.


"I'm fine, don't worry!", he smiled brilliantly showing his dimples, "I never saw you around, are you new? My name is Kim Namjoon."


"I've been a recruit for a few months, haven't participated in anything big yet, I'm Park Jimin. Nice to meet you."


They both bowed and smiled at each other. Namjoon looked behind him, and seeing that his manager was still on the phone, he turned to the boy, "Park Jimin", his brain supplied. They talked for a little bit, and Jimin learned that Namjoon had been with Big Hit for 2 years, working here and there. Jimin had to admit that he was surprised that the other wasn't on a group yet, he looked so down to hearth, and such an inspiring individual, he felt like Namjoon would go far…


Jimin was once again looking at the other's wings when Namjoon's manager ended the call and tapped on the other's shoulder, signaling that they had to go. Namjoon nodded and smiled at Jimin bowing and saying he had to go "It was nice to meet you", he said while shaking his hand.


And yet again, Jimin was left alone. He shrugged and walked down the wall. It's not that strange, people must be seeking after him.


He went about his days as always, but he couldn't deny he caught himself thinking about those wings and dimples from time to time, wondering what the other was up to. Is he inspiring others? He must.


What Park Jimin never expected was being called by his boss, being told that he was chosen for a new project which had this whole plotline and message already planned out. What he expected even the less was going into the training room where he was supposed to meet his bandmates and encountering those wings and dimples once again.

24 Novembre 2022 12:11 0 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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