Anonymous Writer
Wish that I could start again
but we know I would fail again
I would do the same thing again
repeat and repeat all over again.
I know the sun rises every day
even if we can't see it's true colors
"this time I will make it" I say
but I find it so hard to fly, to try.
Giving up seems so easy
but my thoughts keep being noisy
How do I mute them?
How to sleep with them?
There's a part in me
who wants to keep trying
who wants to keep fighting
who wants to walk even when it's raining.
I hear whispers in my ears
it repeats and repeats
it fails and fails
it's words are sweet
Should I hear?
Should I keep in silence?
Should I follow them?
Should I start over again?
Kushal Singh
This poem is beautifully crafted, with a strong emotional core that resonates deeply. The imagery and language are both vivid and evocative, drawing the reader into the world you've created. Your words flow effortlessly, and the rhythm enhances the overall impact of the piece.
Fatima Said
Heyyy :)
I'm a poet myself and sometimes I wish people would comment on my poems, so in hope you'd like the same I'll tell you whatever improvements I see are possible! You see the sense in the poem is the most important part (and you nailed that part completely!), but when the rhymes are always there and the metrum too it'll let itself be read like honey, so perhaps try choosing one which you see fit. And about the rhymes - don't focus on them too much but you should have an idea of where you rhymes will be. Personally I prefer to write a word in the second verse that rhymes with the one in the fourth. That way the end of a poem will always not leave abruptly but sort of fade away. If you're not sure, you can maybe check out my poems I've published on this platform and feel free to leave a comment too! ^^
After all, there is always room for improvements! ;D
Fatima ♡
Merci pour la lecture!
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