“Stay with me…”
“Where are you going?”
“Don’t leave me behind, Xxx—”
The loud ringing of my alarm clock woke me up. I realized I was drenched in my cold sweat and my heart was pumping so hard. It happened again.
I traveled my eyes around, and was relieved that it was still the same place. I would have panicked if I woke up in someone else’s room.
It’s my room, I thought to myself, staring right at my ceiling.
Although I felt so lethargic, I sat upright and brought my trembling right hand to my face, covering half of it. “Today’s the third time,” I whispered to myself while looking so terrified. “What the hell is going on?” I asked myself before leaning against the wall.
It was the same dream again. Lately, I’ve been having weird and repetitive dreams I couldn’t explain. At first, I assumed they were results from being stressed from work and everyday problems in life, but it gradually became worse the more I tried to ignore it.
It already affected me mentally and emotionally. I tried talking it out to some friends and random folks online, hoping I could get anything that might help me solve my concern, but none of them worked out.
If this goes on, I might lose my mind, I helplessly thought, before sighing.
I pulled myself together and threw the idea aside for now. Today was another busy day for me, and I couldn’t afford to soil it just because of some petty nightmare.
“LEON, you look pale, man,” Derrick, the cameraman in the production, pointed out. We were currently on break.
“Do I look horrible?” I asked him with such worry as I grabbed a face mirror to check my complexion and facial appearance.
“Horrible?” Derrick scoffed. “You look like a vampire to me,” he sarcastically jokes, but to me it was impactful enough to make me uneasy.
Leon’s my stage name. I started out as a model during my teenage years. Since I was young, people always praised me for having good looks. Kids my age, adults, wanted to get my attention. People said I had an androgynous face. Someone could easily tell that I was a man just by looking at my body, but they could mistake me for a woman because of my feminine facial features. I always had a slender build, and couldn’t get any fatter or ripped, no matter how much I tried to work out. I was born with very light blonde hair that my mother almost thought that I might be an albino, but I wasn’t. To avoid too much attention, I always dyed my hair with darker shades of brown to black. My skin tone was quite pale, too. I had an average height when a talent manager discovered me, but I was taller than most guys in my class.
I modeled out of curiosity, but I didn’t think it would drastically change my life. And now, I am a budding young actor and have already starred in some indie films.
And when someone became a public figure, people admired them the more they displayed a likable side. And so, it forced me to maintain my “likable side” in order for me to keep striving in the industry of make believe — a place where fiction becomes reality, and reality becomes fiction.
“When you say it like that, it only makes me anxious. You know that, right, Derrick?” I said to the guy who continued munching on his clubhouse without a care in the world.
Derrick nodded in agreement, which ticked me off a bit. “I am only stating the truth,” he defended, before taking another bite from his food. The spread oozed out from it, but he didn’t mind. “The media are going to dig at you again if you continue to have an unhealthy routine,” he reminded.
“Says the guy who eats a lot.” I rolled my eyes at him. “And what do you even mean by an unhealthy routine?” I snapped, a little irritated. As usual, Derrick brushed it off with a silly laugh.
“Derrick has a point, Leon,” Alynna, my makeup artist, suddenly butted in. She was holding a foundation brush in her right hand, which she used to point at me. “They won’t shut up when it comes to you. You’re so popular amongst the youngsters, you know?” She, too, reminded me.
“What’s with the sarcasm, you two?” I raised an eyebrow at the both of them, who in return just laughed at my exaggerated reactions.
“Mr. Popular does not know how good looking he is,” Derrick tried to crack another joke. But this time, Alynna joined him in laughing.
“Shut it, Derrick. I am a fan of Leon, too,” Alynna confessed. She made one last ridiculous laugh with Derrick, then turned serious. “Jokes aside, I am truly concerned about your physical and mental state, Leon. If something’s bothering you, you can tell us,” she comforted, but abruptly changed her mind. “Ah, not us. Just talk to me. Derrick is a useless guy. He will definitely just tell you shits,” she said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Derrick reacted. He was still busy with his food while at it.
I couldn’t help but to laugh at their tandem. Both of them have been with me since I started my acting career. At first, they were wary of me. But as we spent more time together, the three of us sort of became friends.
“I am fine,” I reassured the two before clenching my fists. “It’s just that… Lately, I’ve been having the same dream repeatedly. And each time I wake up from it, I am always drenched in cold sweats,” I told them, and the two dropped their jaws.
Derrick finally put his clubhouse down on his plate and leaned his face closer to mine, which surprised me. “It’s a message, man!” he speculated.
Alynna didn’t talk right away. She tried to analyze what I said before she said anything. “Does Sheldon already know?” she asked right at the bat. I shook my head with all honesty. I didn’t think Alynna would remember Sheldon at times like these. “Then it’s better to tell him when you get home tonight,” she advised. “And again, you can talk to me if something is up. Okay?” After that, she went back to the dressing room to prepare the makeups she would use on my next scenes.
Sheldon is my boyfriend. We have been dating way before I became an indie actor. Apparently, our relationship would likely stir things up if the public were to find out about my sexuality. So Sheldon and I agreed to lie low for the time being.
I met Sheldon during my modeling years. At first, we started a model-fan relationship. He was my number one fan. No matter how small or simple the show was, he supported it. He told me he admired me so much. I thought he was just mesmerized at first and would slowly fall out from being a fanboy, but he didn’t.
One day, my manager organized a special event for my fans. One lucky fan had the chance to spend one night with me if they won the game that my manager plotted. I didn’t expect Sheldon to win. It was my very first time meeting him in person. I was astonished to see how fine and good looking he was. We had dinner. We talked a lot. Funny, I got easily accustomed to him in a short period of time.
Sheldon was a sweet, laid-back guy. He was a little too shy compared to when we talked through chats, but I had a feeling that I already had interacted with him. Of course, we had a few drinks, but I didn’t get that drunk. So did he. As time passed by, our conversation got more serious. He confessed to me. That was my first time being confessed to. I didn’t give him any answer because I didn’t know how to respond.
In order not to break his heart, I told him, “Why don’t we try going out?” out on a whim. He happily accepted it. For the next few days, we kept contacting each other. He became more affectionate than ever. Although we couldn’t meet often, I was happy just by hearing his voice. That’s when I realized I was falling in love. But then, we were both men. I got scared and distanced myself from him, totally didn’t think how he would feel. Sheldon didn’t stop pursuing me. No matter how much I ignored him, he waited. He waited… and waited… and waited.
And because of that, I faced my own feelings and talked things through. I was the one who got his hopes up. I just told him how everything between us was a first to me, and that I got scared. He forgave me and asked me to give him a chance to prove that he wasn’t messing around with me. With that said, he became my first man.
To this day, Sheldon was still the same guy who always got my back.
“WELCOME back, Leon,” Sheldon greeted in a smile the moment I opened the door to his room.
“Sheldon,” I uttered with a soft voice before closing the door behind me. I dropped my bag to the floor as he came to approach me. Sheldon wrapped his enormous arms around my waist. I coiled my hands around his neck before giving him a torrid kiss. Sheldon responded with longing and hugged me closer to him, purposely bumping our lower halves against each other. “I missed you,” I whispered in his ear with a raspy voice while panting.
“I missed you too, Leon,” he replied, using his deep, seductive voice.
We continued giving each other kisses. I let out a soft moan as Sheldon traveled his hands lower, trying to unzip my pants. Unsatisfied, he pulled my legs up without warning and pushed me against the wall.
“Are we going to do it like this?” I teased him.
Sheldon chuckled. As always, I loved seeing that innocent smile of his. Despite how big his body appeared, Sheldon had a gentle face and aura around him. “If you’re fine with it,” he said.
I gave him another kiss, signaling him it was alright. Sheldon was delighted, and we continued to savor the moment.
As we took our time feeling the heat of each other’s body, I randomly recalled the voice in my dreams.
“Stay with me…”
I tried to ignore that voice and focused on Sheldon instead. That night, I had a good sleep in the arms of the man I loved.
Merci pour la lecture!
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