A
Autumn L


The (self-deprecating) diary entries of a 29 year old Korean woman with serious commitment issues. 10 months ago, she got herself into a relationship - a long-distance one, so that she could keep her fear of commitment at bay. Now, the distance is gone, and she's having a meltdown. Come read.


Drame Tout public.

#diary #commitment-issues #self-deprecating
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Sucks To Be You

If you are an Asian female, in your late teens or twenties (or even early thirties), and you have always felt a little trapped in regards to family, religion, sexuality and had troubles with starting or maintaining romantic relationships - please keep reading. No, not because I think you need this book (how would I ever think such a thing?) but because I need you. In all honesty, I googled writing sites after wiping some pathetic tears of mine just so I could have a place to vent - but with pretty font and some possibility that someone might read my diary.


Now, let's not be too negative from the get-go. It's my default setting, and I have no desire to cheer myself up, but we must begin with the formalities. In order for you, dear reader, to want to keep reading, I know I must create a very interesting protagonist to follow. I know too well the importance of the relatable and likeable protagonist; someone readers and viewers will want to cheer on.


Therefore, here is, let's say, an appetizer about me. I am currently 29 years old. International age. You see, I'm Korean, so in Korea I would be 31 years old. This is because in Korea, the moment you're born, you've gained a year. That's probably why Koreans are quite sensitive about age. Yes, I am ethnically Korean, and just to make things even clearer: I am fluent in the language, I love the country, and I've lived there long enough and had enough exposure to have aspects of it that I hate and (in my opinion and my Korean friends' opinion) I have the right to complain about it.


The other important point about me you should know is that I am currently living overseas. I have lived in this country for more than ten years. But I've done a whole lot of moving around too. I'm not sure how honest I can be on this platform, but since I'm writing with the intention of writing freely as though it's my actual diary, let me tell you that I live in an island country. I think that pretty much gives everything away. (Sure.) This was where I began my long-distance relationship with my current boyfriend. (More to come later.)


Now, if you've come this far, there's something else you should know. I have commitment issues. As a straight woman, I don't have much trouble with the "ssum" (썸) stage of relationships. Oh, by the way, I may be using some Korean words in here that are hard to be translated into English - which I know limits my audience even further. But that's okay, because I don't expect many people to read my self-deprecating story anyway, I say as I hold onto your sleeve, asking you not to leave. (I don't even like poetry.) Continuing with my ssum story, yes, I've always enjoyed that stage, maybe even a bit too much. It's always thrilling, that first getting to know each other, discovering someone new, and wondering whether they like you back or not. However, I am terribly bad at navigating the relationship once I actually become someone's official girlfriend. This is because of deep-seated issues I've had inside of me for a long time.


I am currently seeing someone. He is a good person (says everyone about their partners as they unload their hardships and sorrows) but I am struggling. I usually write this in my diary, but today I wanted to write it someplace else. Maybe someone might read my book and think to themselves, 'Wow, this is so relatable.' Or maybe they'll say, 'This person is quite interesting'. Or, maybe they'll even silently think, "Sucks to be you."


That's okay. For whatever reason you've read this far, I promise you, the next chapter will be much more interesting and exhilarating. I won't betray your trust, my dear reader. If you can relate to me, read on.

28 Mai 2022 03:12 0 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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