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Searching in the dark

I’ve searched and I’ve searched for the breath or the air to speak all of the words describing the memories and the pain I truly need to share; but you can’t handle the truth your ego has started to tare,

Passively aggressively you take my words and my pain twisting them up in your own little ball of shame; hiding it away wrapped up so tight, hoping and praying I’ve forgotten all that you said out of anger and spite, leaving me broken and lost searching for that small ray of light….

your darkness may be winning this fight...

OH NO My feelings what a “fright” for you and me both you know I’m right!?

God forbid we bring some of your truth into this light,

always making it my fault!

Knowing I will do my best to avoid that mental assault you call a fight! I’ll take the blame one more fucking time tonight,

It's No surprise you don’t remember half the shit you do anyways...

I should probably just leave that shit memory for dead…. If I could I would but you see you hold all the triggers steady pulling that shit day after day,

So I write and write yet I still can’t find the music behind all your lies and my confusion while living in your illusion…

why can’t you see that your just losing?

all that shit you’ve been doing is making me sick!

All I hear Are songs about heart ache, alcohol, drugs, and fear reminding me of all the shit you did and still continue to do,

what the hell is wrong with you?

I write and I write so I may heal from each and every one of our fights,

as I read and remember so many years of this pain,

it’s almost incredible how you gifted me all of your shame…

I feel as though I am living in this bubble of non-existent light …

a relationship or situationship?

A mind cluttered and clouded wandering alone in the darkest of the night,

I can’t find you because realistically I’ve lost me,

I don’t have a clue what is happening?

Do you even see what your doing to me?

I have no idea where I should even be?

I remember that first night,

the first time you made me feel that undeserving sting of your tongue, spiteful, and mean sounded more like a bad country song no one ever wants to sing …

I remember the way I slapped your face pure reaction to the words you chose to say, and that is something that I have never done! For that I was ashamed...

I should have just said "okay" if you hate me so much then go the fuck away!!!!

I remember everything you did to me,

90% of this pain I carry you gave to me,

isn’t that insane to think?

But you know you didn’t hold back a thing…

yet somehow you keep me here I don’t know why or how because you don’t seem to really want me around anymore?

Maybe you never really did?

my heart is breaking every other day with all the stupid shit you do and say...

My head knows I gotta get away, you’ve already taken so many of my days…

How stupid am I?

I saw every red flag set them all on fire and let it all slide…

I should have never allowed you to treat me this way….

I hope you enjoyed the ride???

Last stop!

All your lies and excuses have started to rot!!!!

I really do love you!

I hope that you know if you don't change some of the way that you're living you're going to be losing a hole hell of a lot more than you could ever realize....

RJW 2011/2022

17 Janvier 2022 20:16 0 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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