rebecca-wright1637606260 Rebecca Wright

Life and relationships, my life is like watching a bad lifetime movie or a scary movie not sure which...

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#Narcissistarguing #arguingwithnarcissistic #fightingwith #narcissist #life #lifeisMessi #fightingfor #whatamIfightingfor #love
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He's worried

“I’m really worried about you.”

he says out of nowhere.

“Uh… okay. Why? Pray tell? ”

This Was the only things I could think to say. Knowing the history behind his worries most of which are lies…

I was just sitting in our bedroom, minding my business, Or at least trying to…

After a “short” recovery from a huge argument about nothing that consumed every ounce of my energy just an hour before… which ended with me yelling “fuck you”!

Apparently in his eyes a capital crime because,

He just couldn’t get over my “verbal abuse” and needed to let me know he had a problem with me and the way I handled our earlier disagreement…

Then he said “I’m really concerned hun, I am so afraid to talk to you anymore, you continue to verbally abuse me with everything I say…”

All in a deadly serious voice that made my skin crawl, anxiety popping in and out like an old fashioned jack in the box, then as my throat began to dry out like an old sponge during a sandstorm in the Desert… in the middle of July.

His words came in hard and fast like a hurricane, burning wind stinging my eyes and sucking the life out of me like a vacuum…

He was quite literally forcing me to reply. He was trying to have this “talk” …

The kind of talk he liked to spring on me to remind me how awful I really am and how much I hurt him in an argument that he started and made me cry…

All so he can inject a little of his guilt/shame poison into my veins until I feel sick to my stomach, bones aching, while my lower back feels like I’ve been trapped or pinned between a train and a brick wall..

He knows he can’t grab my throat or hurt me physically without getting in trouble…

So he spits fire at me to burn me alive when no one’s looking.

Not knowing he’s only forcing me to ask myself:

“What’s wrong with me? What if everyone was right? Are they right?”

that’s exactly what this man has been doing to me!

“No way.” I thought.

I wont ever let this shit happen again. Not this time, I couldn’t.

Not again.

“Don’t make any sudden face changes!” “Keep it simple calm collected thoughtful responses...” I told myself…

I turned away, trying to focus on anything but this none since making mad man glaring in front of me.

his eyes stabbing into my back like broken dull knives from his cold, empty, rage-filled stare.

It was as if he was staring into my soul and questioning my existence on this earth.

As if I had no escape. He had me right where he wanted me. Still broken and hurt from our earlier disagreement…

my first feeling is “Wow, what the hell? I never wanted to feel this way again.”

It’s a pain nearly impossible to describe until you’ve felt it.

And after years and years of the same shit different days…

I have never found a way to stop it. A way to fight it. A way to disarm him and tell him to “get the hell out”.

I just sit here while he picks me apart, rip’s my heart out and show it to me, as if just to see the look on my face…

Only “appearing” trapped while he tells me everything that he thinks is wrong with me.

Until I snap and rip into him like he wanted.

All an annoying rerun of past events to help prove in his mind and mine that without any doubt I am the "bad guy." Definitely not him. And there’s no way out…

He thinks it’s too late for me. He doesn’t think I will escape this time.

4 Janvier 2022 17:53 2 Rapport Incorporer Suivre l’histoire
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Lyra Auburns Lyra Auburns
I'm so sorry you had (or you're having) to go through all this! I hope things get better for you soon. Virtual hugs for you!
February 23, 2022, 00:07

  • Rebecca Wright Rebecca Wright
    Thank you this is my past traumas working their way through my art... May 02, 2022, 18:37