Was I asking too much of him? Was I not enough to suffice for his peculiar standards? Did I have a dreadful appearance? Was my demeanor that uncalled for? What was wrong? I asked myself as a blurred imagine on the mirror appeared before me due the amount of tears glossing up my eyes. Why wasn't I enough? I had been going back and forth with him. Doing everything I was capable of doing to keep his needs met. But alas nothing seemed to meet his needs. I was knackered by all this, everything was making me feel gutted. I wiped the tears that stained my cheeks with the back of my hands in the most unlady like way. I pulled the thin sleeves of my cotton floral ensemble finished with a fur poncho and poshy flats. Mrs Dumont had taken it upon herself to cloth me in one of her finest designs, a bespoke dress I'd say myself. Not so long ago I felt like a toff person sitting in wait to meet my beloved one.
He was everything I could have wanted, with the most gobsmacking smile, his eyes were like pools of gold and the sunset hue of yellow. Too intense to look into for long, never would I have thought I would be capable of conveying such emotions. Oh where are my manners my name is Maria Duville, Lady Maria Duville if you must. I was born in a prestigious wealthy family and upholding the family name is a must, that's why it is most important that no one absolutely not anybody can know of my affair with one of the wealthiest Counts of England. Count Klaus Burton one of the wealthiest families in England, but nevertheless I was still above his standards and not by any chance would my mother have consented to such a man. *You deserve the prince my darling, not some measly count who would downgrade your standards* she'd say. Curse her damned words, I was utterly smitten by Klaus he was everything my heart surely wished for, no one would meet my needs the way he did.
I wasn't having any of what my mother said about him, instead each night we choose to meet in the church garden where we'd spark our love with a gentle kiss and the night would end in firery lovemaking. I was sure to feel dreaded that we did it just outside the the church in it's magnificent lash grounds, but our affection for each other could not be bottled up. But right now I was distraught he treated me in the most unkind of ways it left me feeling quite unlike myself. He yelled at me for wanting to reveal our love to my mother, I was being eaten up by guilt. If I did not inform her soon I would be in dire need of help.
He told me I could not do such a thing because a lot was hanging by a thread but-
"mi Lady a letter has arrived for you" Miss patty came scurrying with such speed.
"From whom?" I rose from my dressing table, smoothing my creases.
"A count my dear, Count Klaus Burton" my heart nearly skipped two beats at the sound of the name.
"just rip it apart I don't want it" I bellowed. I wasn't going to have this, but it was probably better to actually see what he had to say.
I tore the letter from her hands and sent her off, quick on her heel she cautiously left.
I turned my attention to the matter at hand, I opened the neatly folded paper and gazed my eyes upon the writing of my love.
*I feel utter shame for my behavior towards you to speak the truth entirely I was only rather upset because the thought of losing you seemed to much of a weight to bare, meet with me tonight please at our cottage instead I intend to celebrate our love somewhere more befitting. With much love K. B*
My breath nearly caught, he was apologizing he did no such thing ever, I felt my strength wither away I used the poster bed to will myself to sit. I wasn't to fall deep into this he'sprobably bluffing, I was going to damn him to hell he made me feel useless and deeply stupid for conjuring so much about our relationship.
After a heady conversation with my mother about why I needed to leave the house, I rode my black stallion with fury, the man I loved seemed to have taken me for some fool or some complete idiot. When I reached the tranquil grounds of the cottage I tied my horse and tamed him. Knocking on the door I tousled my hair from the disheavled mess it had become. I was only in a long silk night gown, with only cotton knickers underneath, and a fur coat to block the cold air.
The door opened and Klaus courteously let me in, I walked in clearing my throat with my head held high not ready to hear what he was in turn to tell me.
"Maria I apologize for my actions towards you, I wasn't using my senses, I have some news it's important"
"I do not accept your apology Count. You had no right to speak to me in such tone, I deserve more respect" I muttered coolly. Avoiding the salacious gaze he was giving me while his it traveled along the length of my body. I turned and looked out of the window where dew drops of rain had started to form. Great just great I was getting trapped in this cottage with the heathen I was Inlove with. He slowly crept up to me his intentions were clear, to unclad me and make me feel the most of feelings.
My breath caught and the gasp I evoked was clearly evident to him giving him the opportunity to take advantage of the effect he had on my being. He was not at all irresistible, there was no bloody way I would have denyed him, he was my weakness in each and every way. He was dressed in a crisp suit smelling oh so heavenly as he approached me, gripping me firm in my waist his body nearly dwarfing me, the excitement in my tummy was one I could not contain. Unrelenting, he took my lips fiercely his passion was nearly oozing out of him, I could not contain myself either way. Giving into my desires I let him unclad my my clothed body and take me in every which way he needed. The emotions behind our love making always told me, our relationship was more than just of lust. It was much more passionate, and wild in the most indecent of human ways it evoked so much, so much that I couldn't possibly hold back.
After the heated passion, I was lying half across his beautifully sculptured body, my legs threaded through his watching his breathing even out.
"As I said before Maria I have some important news to inform you of"
"what is it?" I lightly whispered while the rain started to lessen.
"I'm engaged" he spoke softly. Immediately I could hear my heart shutter. I felt a hollow striking ache in my chest, I pushed against him. Forgetting my nudity I stood there arms crossed over my breasts.
"what in the bloody hell do you mean you're engaged! was this why you treated me with no respect when we chatted in the garden. Klaus what are we? what am I doing here am I a mere bloody fling!?"
"you damn well know that's not the case. Maria you know my parents!-
" And so do you, I'm a bloody lady Klaus I was betrothed to so many suitors before I was even born, but I threw all those opportunities in the gutter just to receive such news, screw you klaus" I quickly got into my dress and he started to scrubble out of bed, he stood before me naked. And damn me if it wasn't the best sight I had seen. Shaking myself out of those thoughts I started to head for the door.
"Maria you can't possibly leave its pouring outside."
"I'd rather suffer the agony of the rain than being told I was mistress. Why didn't you tell me earlier why didn't you tell me I was fling and that you had someone in your life. You damn well know how I feel about you."
"because- he trailed off.
" because what huh, yes that was my thought exactly bloody silence."
" klaus leave me be, enough damage has been done, I don't know if I'll be capable of loving someone else but maybe it's a good thing I probably won't be as blind"
"just listen to me before you leave-
" I'm done listening, my ears have had enough" I didn't realize the amount of tears that were streaming down my cheeks till they dropped to my hands. Bloody hell I was crying and I didn't even realize it. The pain I felt was way worse than physical I didn't want it nor need it and the person causing it was merely a few inches.
"I opened the door and as if the rain knew how tragic I felt lightning struck and a down pour fell upon me my salty tears mixing with the rain atleast the difference wouldn't be evident.
I got to my horse and Klaus came after me wrapped in a sheet.
" Maria! Maria! You can't go. Please I beg of you!" he called. I could barely breath, I was there with him, he couldn't be with me and I with him.
I got saddled up and looked down at Klaus in the rain.
"Maria! I love you" he whispered the last words, never in his life had he told me his emotions this vividly.
Now I was conflicted, he was telling me everything I needed to hear, everything I wanted to hear. But nevertheless it could not change the fact that he decided to get engaged. I couldn't be a Lady and ruin the marriage of a Count by being his mere fling. That would be disastrous, I'd be banished. My mother would be beyong livid.
"I love you more Klaus" and with that I took off in the rain. Hearing him shout my name and it faded in the rain.
I didn't remember how I got home, but I was facing a hideous cold. I hadn't been out of bed since I arrived that night, Miss patty had been by my side through the entire mess.
"my dear, oh my poor baby" I heard my mother walk in.
"what is it mother?" I groaned in frustration.
"I'm sorry that you're so ill dear. But you have an invitation to Count Burton's wedding" she said.
The name nearly broke me all over again, I shut my eyes and tried to sabdue the groggy feeling I had. I pulled the covers over my blazing head in hopes to show her my none interest. Bloody hell she needed to leave.
"mother please leave"
"I understand you're ill Maria but that is no way to talk to your mother"
"leave mother" I uttered sternly and she trotted out.
As a lady I was forced to visit the new Countess that was now my once beloved's wife. She was probably everything I was not, pretty, thin, high cheek bones, smaller breasts, thinner nose, practically an opposite in every sense of the word.
"I must say meeting you my Lady was such a pleasure, I consider myself fortunate. The little one and I are in bliss" she said ever so gracefully.
"the little one?" I couldn't hide my inquisition.
"yes I am pregnant"
I nearly choked on the tea, pregnant this quick he must have been busy.
"congratulations dear." I laced my face with the best smile.
Not before long I was back in my bed crying my eyes out.
"Mi Lady" Miss patty was at the door.
"Uhm I have some news that I think you should know of, remember when you were unwell and Doctor Sinclair ran some examinations on you? Well he has reason to believe you're pregnant"
I nearly registered anything till she said pregnant. I was expecting this truly the amount of times we made love it was only a matter of time.
"okay thank you that will be all"
I turned and continued crying. Life was truly unfair in so many ways, I could not change any of it.
Three months later I was married off to Lord david, he was the picture perfect husband everything that I would have wanted but if only it were the man I once loved. Or still do love. It wasn't long till I gave birth to a baby boy, he looked just like his father, his actual father and nothing made me as happy as his existence. I began to truly enjoy the little things with the family I had made or was forced into but in the end it wasn't all well.
David suddenly had a serious case of stomach flu and just when Robert my son was turning five he watched the only man he knew as his father die before his very eyes. Whatever was left of my heart faded away, I learnt to live in honor of his good name and my son did the same as well. It wasn't until he showed up hand in hand with Count Burton.
I became week in the knees, I immediately told Robert to leave us be in dire need to escort him off my property.
"I apologize for how things ended"
"there's no need to have such a discussion, it has been many years and much has been forgotten"
"you don't have to put up an act Maria we both know how we feel"
"how dare you come into my home and talk about feelings. Klaus. Go back to your wife."
I felt an ombre of emotions.
"what so ever do you mean?"
"she didn't want to be held back and she left. She said I didn't love her and she could tell" he said sorrowful.
I swallowed hard in hopes of digesting the news I had just received.
"and your child?"
"she was a still bone"
"Klaus I'm so sorry about that"
"don't be it wasn't my child anyway, but it was still a tragedy nonetheless."
"I truly hope one day you learn to forgive me, because life has taught me one hell of a lesson, and my son is so big I've missed too much"
"who said he was your son?"
"the resemblance is beyond belief plus we have the same birth mark on the same spot" he's right the little leaf shaped mark on the side of his neck.
"look Count Burton I must say what we had is over and I do request for you to leave. I don't have a heart anymore to offer you anything I only have love for my son and you murdered what we had"
" listen you may visit Robert when you want to but between us. It can never be, we weren't meant to be so leave me be Klaus you're my only love and the last one. I really hope one day you may fall in love with someone else but I am done with that for now. Goodbye"
I walked away in tears. I was done with all this everything involving love it wasn't for me it's not for everyone. Goodbye my love we simply couldn't be!
Merci pour la lecture!