Have you ever been in love with someone so much that you can’t express how you feel or who you are in front of them?
The sweaty, sweet, romantic type of love? I guess everyone seeks that love, right? But I can’t exactly say I know how it feels because I haven’t been there… just yet.
I never got the chance to experience any form of personal emotions because of my parents, and yeah, I know this might sound rude, but because of their moving.
My brother and I… stuck in between, no matter our friends, no matter how we feel, if they move, we drag along, and I guess also because we lost our little sis in Miami.
So, they probably needed time to reflect, and what better way to reflect than moving through countless shitty towns? I wonder…
I don’t have friends; I don’t have relationships, because long distance is shitty, I can see this effect on my brother. He pretends like everything is fine, but I know it isn’t.
But I don’t care anymore about their shitty jobs, I’m used to this living, and I guess my brother too. I guess their work is more important than our teenager lives, right?
But no matter what, I love my family, and I’d rather move around with them than lose what we have, because this right here is what counts.
“Hey, you all right?” I peek at Rico smiling convincingly, “I-I don’t know… yeah, I’m good, and you?” He bumps against me, “Yeah, I’m good…”
I can see the sorrow in his blue eyes. They long for Dily; I know my greens show the same resemblance, but there’s nothing we can do about our situation.
It’s been nearly a year after her death, and still I feel her presence sometimes, I look away, sniffing softly, trying not to attract attention, I don’t want my parent’s pity; it gets… difficult.
Rico pulls me into an assuring hug, he pats my arm, “There, there little sis,” “Shut up Rico,” He chuckles and start to knoogy my hair, “Rico, stop it,”
“Well, isn’t this nice?” Rico laughs toward dad, as soon as I finally escape his grip, “Asshole,” “You love this asshole,” I laugh along.
“The schools here are great, I know both of you will make friends quickly,” We glance at each other and at mom again, “I guess…” “Yeah, mom, sounds fantastic,”
I knuckle Rico, and he chuckles, “And I heard they have both your activities, we already picked out both your subjects, just have to pick your extra activities,”
“Great dad, so I can continue playing soccer?” “And I can keep dancing?” He nods toward both of us, I have been dancing since I can remember, I may follow mom’s footsteps, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Rico took over from dad, since dad got his leg injury in high school, he couldn’t continue, so, he pressured Rico in playing, and I know he loves it.
We stop in front of the minor double story house, a normal-looking front yard with a sweet, cute fence surrounding it.
Dad parks in the parking lot, mom and dad gets out, “Don’t argue with mom little sis, you know how it ends,” I roll at him and exit the car. Icy wind slams straight against my nose, sending a shiver on my naked skin.
“Great…” “Don’t start Ev,” I slam the door shut in annoyance, and meet up at the boot, “It’s not so bad Evelyn, just give it a chance honey,”
I don’t bother with a reaction; her gawking blues frightens me, I grab my bag underneath her, and bolt away toward dad and Rico, to ignore the look… the death look.
“Yeah, this will be a lot of work, luckily, we have this weekend dad,” “Yeah, bud,” “But there’s nothing needles and a hammer can’t do dad,” He bumps against me and he forces the door open, “And oil,”
I follow Rico inside, and cough instantly, “Wha-what’s that smell… EW, that’s a rat… a rat,” Rico drops his bag and jogs toward the dead specimen before me.
“Rico, no, what are you doi… no, stop that,” “Rico, leave the dead alone,” He tackles me down and swing the dead specimen on top of my face.
“Rico, leave that thing alone, what’s wrong with you?” He throws it aside while laughing, “It’s not funny... get off me,” I bump him off, and quickly stand.
“It’s a little funny…” I grab hold of my bags, “It’s not…” “Then why are you laughing?” I hold my chuckle, but I’m battling against my own puffy lips.
“I-I’m not…” He gabbles me into a hug, and I can’t help my laughing, “You’re such an ass,” “I know…” He grabs his bag, and we battle against the unsteady stairs.
“Can you stop doing that? I don’t want to break my neck Rico,” I jump the last step while listening to his annoying laughing, “Just pick rooms, and don’t fight,”
We both jog down the hall while nodding toward mom, He burst through the first door and I’m lucky enough to have the last door down the hall, I never enjoyed listening to his music, finally I’ll have my peace.
His fruity voice screams something toward me out of his room, and like usual, I pretend I don’t hear him; I open my bedroom door and stroll inside.
“Ew… what’s with the smell?” “It’s not that bad Ev, it smells almost like your morning breath,” I drop my bags randomly, and punch his shoulder while death eyeing him, “Funny, kryp,”
“Come on, I’m starving,” I follow him toward the unsteady staircase, I don’t like this thing, two walls hug its twirling.
Although it's vintage and ancient, I was never one for heights, “Do you want me to carry you now? Come on kitty,” I battle in his grip in laughter.
“Rico, no, this thing freaks me out… Rico!” He jumps the last few steps and my toes touch the ground, “T-thank you, that was… a horrible experience,”
He laughs while walking toward the kitchen, I join their sides quickly around the corner, “The truck will be here tomorrow, in the meantime, we can start cleaning this mess,”
That’s right dad, this messy house reeks and I don’t like its creepy ancient view, “Hey dad, can I have a few friends over? They can help,”
“Sure bud,” “You have friends?” He bumps me in a chuckle, “Obviously Ev, I don’t spend my time in caves like you,” “Whatever,” I knuckle at him.
I place the plastic board in the sink, “I was wondering Eve, we can build you a dance studio in the backyard,” I follow dad excited outside, somewhat light shines on the yard.
They have abandoned this house with generations compared to how everything looks, messy, and not cared for.
“Really?” He nods, tugging me into a hug, “Yeah, and I was thinking, we can make space for a soccer area for Rico,” “Obviously dad, don’t think twice about skipping me,”
Mom chuckles at him. Our little family…
I stand frozen in the entrance of my room, it’s going to be a lot of hard work, but I feel like we’re going to stay here for a while.
“Here little sis, mom forced me to bring you this,” I chuckle whilst taking the broom from him, “Do you think we’re staying here this time?”
He rests his back against the doorstep, “It feels like its little sis, I heard them making plans for the first time in forever, this might be our home,”
“I sure hope so… are you going to clean your room?” He rubs his oval face exhausted, his height comes from dad, 1.7… mine from mom for sure. 1.55…
One thing I know best is his fitness, it’s the one thing Rico loves, and I… well, I’m tiny in build and love it this way, I have always been afraid of over eats.
“Mom’s forcing me too, I have no choice, I just hope the truck arrives tomorrow, I don’t know where my friends are going to sleep tonight,”
“I don’t know, you’ll figure something out, now get lost, I have a lot of work,” He chuckles… I turn my attention toward him, resting on the broom, “Are you okay Kryp?”
He nods, and then seconds after bolt into my room, “I-I miss her dove…” The broom falls from my hands, I need not say anything for us to understand our emotions, we’re close enough.
He tugs me into a hug. His sniffing is contagious, “I’m sorry kryp, I’m sorry for what happened,” “It wasn’t your fault dove, Dily always was stubborn,”
I don’t move, I can’t move, I soak his jacket, “I feel like it's my fault, she wanted to be like us, she wanted to be a-a suffer, and I-I… I should have to look after her, I knew she couldn’t on her own and-and…”
He soothes my back, “It wasn’t your fault dove, she never listened…” “I know, I know… I j-just feel like I should have…” I tug my arms in front of my torso, his clasp pressures.
“Don’t dove, you couldn’t have, no one knew…” “Rico, your friends are here,” He gives me one last squeeze, and pulls away, he pressures on my biceps, “Now pull it together, wipe your face, little sis,"
Merci pour la lecture!