Come here, Whateley.
Today I will tell you the story of our happiest days.
Yes, we were happy.
When? A long time ago. In time from when The Elder Things were dry as a bone to the time when the stars changed.
Yeah, don't look at me like that, Whateley.I promise what I'm telling you is true.
Are things going badly? No, I'm not bad now.I'm here, projecting my consciousness through time and space, from your present, to your past and your future, but, understand me, it's all very static, kind boring.
That time was better, simply better.We had followers, battles and fun.
F! B! F!
In those times we made a good gang with Deep Ones. Good people, you can trust them. We built the great city of R'lyeh together. What a city, Whateley! Gigantic! Built of colossal stones of a sickly green tone.Those damn stones fit together in a way that would shatter your mind if you had to imagine it. Lies? It's true. The stones had a shape humanity had never seen before.
Do you really ask me if those stones were in the shape of a rubik rhomboid cube?What nonsense are you talking about!
By the way, have I told you about my children Ghatanothoa, Ythogtha and Zoth-Ommog?
And about my daughter, Cthylla?
Let me confess one thing to you, Whateley. If I could love, I would love Cthylla, the most beautiful giant red octopus with extensible wings and six eyes there has ever been in the universe. Don't get me wrong, it's not that if I could love, I wouldn't love my three boys. But the love a father has for a daughter can't be compared to anything in the world. She will always be the apple of my eye.
It's ironic. If anyone other than me knew the great secret that surrounds her, they would fear her even more. However, I can't tell you more about this, Whateley. This is a real secret. A great surprise, which will be discovered in due course.
By the way, Whateley, did I tell you the day that Ghatanothoa petrified all the living things of an entire continent because he didn't like what he had for dinner at home? My child's bad temper was terrible. I still laugh when I imagine the faces of all those poor creatures, petrified, without knowing the reason. Hilarious. All for a mashed potato.
Do you like mashed potatoes? I can't believe it.
I'm sure they also like mashed potatoes.I know that they were the ones who made the firmament change and those happy days end. N'tse-Kaambl. Why do I cough? I can't even pronounce her name, damn bitch. Damn her a thousand times.
Since then I don't trust anyone who likes mashed potatoes.
You've made me angry, Whateley.
I'll think a lot if I ever reveal my secrets to you again.
Mashed potatoes? I can't believe it.
By the way, don't even think about giving mashed potatoes to the shoggoth.
A short story inspired by "I, Cthulhu" of great storyteller Neil Gaiman.
Thank you for reading!