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The Beginning

It all began with that smile that captivated me as I walked in that salon. And I know that there is no replacing with what we had going on. But sometimes I ask myself, "How is it that I ended up this far." By that I mean having suicidal thoughts and cutting myself so deep until those scars started dripping down to my elbow. It has now gotten to a point were I don't know what to do anymore. Despite my past you had told me that you weren't nothing like the last one. You knew that my last relationship was a disaster. You knew I was hurting and falling but yet still decided to hurt me even more than I was before. Fighting the truth was the hardest thing I had to do. 

I was fooled by your sweet and kind words that I didn't realize that behind that innocent face, you carried a mask. I try to close my eyes but I can still see you. I can still hear your voice in my dreams but I don't know if it is the real you. You are so far away but for some reason I can still feel you. You know I try to close my eyes but it doesn't help because for some reason I can still see you right there...standing so tall and confident. It is like the sweet smell of your cologne never ends and it is hard to pretend that it is not enveloped in the air like an invisible mist because it is. 

What's crazy is that I can still feel the sweetness of our first kiss, when time stopped and we couldn't see and hear what was happening because we had no idea what was happening around us. I didn't care, I was just glad that finally a piece of happiness had found me. I wake up every morning with our memories stuck in my mind feeling like I'm stuck with the past. I swear some nights my dreams begin with scenes so evocative that I feel like I can't move on. I'm afraid that the few memories i have left of you will turn into nothing more than a ghost.

 But of all the time we spent together, it was actually the beginning that I remember the most. Because the first time I made you smile it felt like the warmth of the beautiful sun in the sky had made its way inside for a while. I mean, I could try  and arrange a list of things to describe that moment but I would just astray myself to a sea of words so deep that it would be so strenuous for me to keep my head up. The tender warmth of your lips had made it hard for me to resist but even though past relationships had left you in bits and pieces I had promised you that I would love you in all your perfect imperfections. 

The moment your eyes had thanked me I looked up and saw your beautiful eyes. I remember seen myself in their reflection and at that moment then I had realized that you had let me in where only a few others have been. I had discovered that part of your heart where you'd hidden all that you have ever feared and all that you have ever lost, all the regrets you had to bury deep down including all the memories that you had forgotten. 

I understand that you've been through all these nights where you've cried so hard that it had left you breathless because you thought it was the end of the world with all the issues you had to deal with. I know it is not easy when every step you take reminds you of a past mistake. When every smile you fake hides all your pain that you wish you could replace it with something other than a load of burden.

You see the most frustrating thing about love is that love can be so uncertain. But even then you still chose to be like that one person who went off and broke your heart. Life costs...nothing is free. So brace yourself because you won't always make it. Sometimes we gotta fall face first in order to get a taste of failure but eventually we will learn not to fear it because we learn from our failures. 

You know what, it is actually quite a beautiful sight looking forward to our future that is brimming with life. It will be fulfilled with so many good moments that we will take a deep breath while feeling a deep warmth in our hearts as if heaven itself is actually right at our feet. Reminiscing that same fountain where we first heard the children with so much laughter. Their sweet laughter always seems to take me back...

...back to the beginning.


Nov. 29, 2017, 7:52 a.m. 1 Report Embed 0
To be continued...

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Melissa Contreras Algo sobre mi...

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A Alejandro

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July 7, 2018, 8:42 p.m.
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