‘It will help if you write everything down,’ she told me once again.
I petted my notebook. It had a cat on the cover, fur and all. I loved it. I opened it and started to write down whatever came to my mind. LIAR … in capital letters. I guess I was. But did it even matter at that point? I broke the only promise I had given to myself - not to get involved with anyone and wait for the completion in peace.
Since I had no idea how long it would take (given that I had never seen anyone of my species actually die of natural causes) I didn’t feel like just sitting on my butt staring at the white wall, I decided to enter a University as a hosting professor of history. Who better to know about history than someone who has been around to see it all. I gave a few lectures but mostly spent my time happily in their library correcting all the factual errors in history books. Of course it was difficult to explain how I knew all that stuff, so I had to fake all the degrees and publications I got but with money and access to few hackers it was never a problem. So I lived this hopefully last stage of my life restraining myself from hunting or obtaining blood from any sources occasionally feeling the deficiency creeping on me and passing out or being sick. Honestly I never expected to last this long. And then one evening when I thought I was alone at the back of the library, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a French revolution book in front of me, I heard a male voice.
‘Miss Adams?’ Oh crap - was my initial reaction but then I lifted my head and saw creeping from around the corner a face I could recall from one of my classes. In fact, I entered an immediate state of panic as I had a bit of a crush on this guy. He was a PhD student and I believed his field of research had nothing to do with my lectures, yet I seemed to see him too often. He was simply gorgeous. It wasn’t my place to have these thoughts about a student, let alone about a boy younger than me. And not just younger than my fake official age. He was tall with an excellent posture and broad shoulders, brown hair that needed a cut but was messy just the right amount. He was very fit, I knew he was competing in running. Aware of that, I moved the bag of chips nonchalantly behind my back before I peeped: ‘Yes?’
Apparently this one word gave him confidence because he stepped out of the corner and approached me. I didn’t know whether I should stand up and act like an authority but before I could consider this option, he was sitting opposite me on the floor, legs crossed, big blue folder in his hands. He was asking me for help with his dissertation.
‘I don’t do that,’ was all I said as I looked back to my book. My heart was racing like crazy and I felt like he could hear it. I felt bad because I shouldn’t have been the one having a crush. It would have been more logical the opposite way round.
‘I know you don’t but I really like your approach. I like how you have your own opinion on everything. I need that kind of insight. I am tired of all those old ideas coming from long expired brains.’
I chuckled. I looked at him again and decided to take the folder from him. ‘I’ll have a look.’
‘Thank you, really. I appreciate it,’ he smiled and continued staring at me. ‘Can I buy you a cup of coffee?’
‘It’s too late for coffee,’ was all I said even though it sounded cheesy and unoriginal. ‘Got it,’ was his answer as he was getting up. He didn’t even greet me, just turned around and left. I was a bit disappointed but it was all gone an hour later when I left the library. He was sitting on the bench in front of the main entrance playing on his phone. As he saw me, he quickly stood up and said: ‘A drink then?’
And that was it, as much as none of it was supposed to happen, we did have that drink and I did help him with his work and we did get together and everything was nice apart from the moments of weakness when I really needed to feed and I am not proud to admit it but I found the dealers in my city to get fresh dose but I came to regret it the next morning. Wherever HE was (and he was there because of me) I wanted to follow him as soon as possible. But then there were the moments of weakness when I wanted to go on pretending I am a normal human living an ordinary life. And as silly as it was I wanted to have another day with Dylan even if I knew our relationship was doomed from the start. And not in the romantic novels crap that you can overcome with love and willpower. There was actually no outcome where all this could end well. So I tried. I tried to stay off it for as long as I could. And the attacks of deficiency came and they were very bad but I knew I could sleep them off. In all that time not even once I desired to hurt Dylan. Everything was going well, we seemed like a normal ordinary couple. Until he got a job at a uni on the other side of the Sates and convinced me to move with him. Foolishly I agreed, not realizing that I could no longer hide my blood thirst as easily as when we lived apart. So I had the idea of faking an illness. Which come to think of it wasn’t that far from the truth. Mine was just a bit unconventional. I didn’t need a doctor to check up on me and help me, I knew exactly what I had to do to survive and be fit. So I had a perfect excuse for all the nausea, fatigue and pale look. It was just my condition. All I had to do was disappear for a few hours pretending to visit my doctor when in fact I was…
‘Go back to your relationship with Dylan, dear,’ her severe voice stopped my train of thoughts.
Yes, we had this lovely apartment overlooking the park. Dylan used to go for morning runs, I was too lazy to join him. I got a job at a library which made Dylan angry telling me how I was wasting my potential but I was happy there. It was quiet and gave me all the time in the world going trough books and looking for traces of Jeremy and things we had lived through.
And so days turned into months, months completed a year and we were soon about to celebrate our two-year anniversary. Everything was rainbows and butterflies until one day when I returned home from work and found the bedroom floor flooded with pictures, notes, pages ripped of from books, drawings.. and amidst all that was Dylan. He was looking at me with a puzzled look on his face as I stood in the hallway.
‘What is the meaning of all this?’
‘My … collection,’ which he was never supposed to find. I had been keeping track of all my previous life, I ripped pages off the history books that depicted the events that we had lived through, I made drawings of the people I had met. I didn’t want to forget.
‘Sam.. are you working on a book? Why didn’t you tell me about it. You kept all this research to yourself. It’s very detailed.’
When he asked that I felt like I didn’t want to lie, I felt it was the right time to tell him who I really was.
‘No,’ I sat down on the floor opposite him moving a pile of photos from the Civil War. ‘I am keeping all the memories. But you weren’t supposed to find any of this.’
‘But I did. So I’d like you to explain it to me. Because to be honest, Sam, all of these notes and drawings are quite disturbing. Especially you killing and sucking dry this guy.’
‘It was the only way for me to survive. They attacked us, they attacked me, I didn’t want to complete, so I did what I had to do,’ tears started rolling down my cheeks and my voice was squeaky.
‘Are you for real?’ he asked with a voice that came out with huge difficulty from the bottom of his throat. There was dead silence interrupted by my quite sobbing,
‘Sam?’ he pushed himself towards me and hugged me tightly.
And that was the moment I told him everything. The years I have been alive thanks to feeding on blood, how at the beginning there had been a small group of us that parted ways as the years went by. Until it was only me and HIM living several different lives not to raise any suspicion amongst the people who knew us.
Until the day when the saint ones found us and attacked us. They went after me because they knew HE was much stronger and faster. As I was lying on the floor bleeding out HE had scared them off and knelt next to me, I did the most savage thing. I pulled out the knife he used for his protection, hidden in his belt and stabbed him mercilessly. I still can’t explain what got into me but I knew his blood was the only thing to keep me alive.
‘That’s enough,’ Dylan stopped me. ‘I’ve heard enough.’
‘Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Davis, but Miss Adams has a visitor,’ the short blond girl in the white uniform entered the office after having knocked several times.
‘Alright then. We’ll continue tomorrow, Sam,’ she stood up to see me off.
It was Dylan. He took the habit of coming to see me every day at this hour. I was always very happy to see him. Although I had the feeling his face was more and more sad each time he came. It didn’t make any sense to me. He was the one who took me here, he introduced me to Mrs. David and said if I had spoken to her all the problems would have gone away. I didn’t want to, especially once they decided to move me there. I didn’t like that place at all. But with all the medicine they have been giving me, most of my days were in a haze. And they were all the same, mostly we were talking a lot.. alone with Mrs. Davis, in a group with other girls, with Dylan. I’d tell him about the things that were going through my mind, how strange it was that I hadn’t felt the thirst for blood and all the memories of my past life had been fading away.
Dylan would come every day after work and sit with me, we’d chat,, play games, laugh and then kiss goodbye. Until one day … he just stopped coming.Nov. 25, 2017, 12:05 p.m. 0 Comments Report Embed 0
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