"ahhh! you enjoying that poop smoothie yet kev?" I said with the fattest grin. it was like the good old days down in Bellwood, accept I got married, Gwen got married to KEVIN-E-KEVIN over here, and aunt gwan was still as single as last tuesday (we all know she has a 'thAng' f0r vilgax though.)
Kevin-e-kevin over here is trying to replace grandpa Max, I don't see how it can't be like the good old days where it was just me, grandpa Max and Gwen. everyone was thinking grandpa Max was just dead, but I still had hope, I knew grandpa Max was still somewhere out there 'not-dead'. turns out he wasn't dead and we ended up being the four-way gang, me, Kevin, Gwen, and grandpa Max. wait... my mind's just running wild now... should I talk? I'm pretty sure in the real world Gwen is just shouting at me. Ooh! that gives me another story, but I'll save that for another day. [I just randomly snapped out of my trance]
"BEN YOU IDIOT ZOMBOZO GOT OUT OF JAIL! HE'S ON THE LOOSE!!" Gwen said, thinking she's better than me.
"duh Gwen, I know. it's just zombozo, there's nothing special about him. what do you think, he just 'teamed up' with animo or something?" I said, clearly looking smart.
"Yeah, that's exactly what's happening." Gwen said.
"Wait WHAT!?!" I said as I spat my signature ✨ blueberry smoothie ✨ right on Kevin's ugly face.
I could hear zombozo doing that idiotic cackle from around the block, his head was probably doing that weird 360° spin.
"BEN, come on!" Gwen said.
"really Ben, listen to Gwen." Kevin said with that ugly smirk on his ugly guy feeti face.
"IT'S HERO TIMEEEE" I said, lookin' super awesome and heroic as I slapped the Omnitrix and turned into humongousaur.
I ✨ easily ✨ kicked that big boi like a soccer ball. watching my accomplishment, as he flew into the sun (really gives meaning to 'theres a little FAT spot in the sun todayyy'). Gwen kept screaming that animo was still on the loose. I screamed back. "DO I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!?!" getting very big, bigger than two whole empire state buildings. oh wait, forgot to mention, I have master control of the Omnitrix.
ok, back to the point.
since I have master control I was able to turn from humongousaur to waybig.
again, too easy. all I had to do is step on animo like a hot pile of dog doo.
"got anymore chores for me Gwen?" I said
"OH WAIT! I already did em' all, btw Gwen, you gotta clean my laundry for the next two weeks." I said walking off to my house to go see my EPIC children. unlike Gwen, her kids are all kevin-atized, kevin-whatchamacallit's.
of course, I didn't leave without grabbing a fresh new blueberry smoothie.
[about 10 minutes later]
"wassup Sarah, just saved the world. again. 😏" I said.
"mhm, good. why don't you save the world. again. by taking the dog out for once" Sarah said, clearly paying more attention to cooking. I didn't care though, she was making old-fashioned chicken pot pie, I was gonna have ice-cream on top. it's a win-win.
"I don't gotta do nothing. Gwen is my maid, why don't you go phone her on the telly" I said in my lovely British accent. which, of course. I fake. cause like, ME? BRITISH? I wish.
outside of my awesome world in my mind, my daughter Jane started bugging me. I assumed she wanted money, cause she's a teenager, duh. but ya know, Jane's more like Sarah, and Sarah doesn't get the world, like me. but that's OKAY PEOPLE.
Sarah isn't even full-human, she's of those halfblood whatchamacallits. oh but then my precious little ken came downstairs.
probably wanting some good Omnitrix advice. Jane didn't get a Omnitrix, she's just more 'water-resistant' I might say with her mom's 'Poseidon' capabilities. it's not that I hate Jane or anything, ken just needs more attention, cause he's more ignorant than me. Jane is a more responsible child.
[20 minutes later]
Gwen, Kevin, and their children came over cause we were gonna have a big nice dinner of chicken pot pie AND ice-cream (for me)
Me, Jane, Ken, Addison, Khloe, Ethan and Brock were watching sumo slammer's the live action movie on my HD double-wide flat screen TV.
Sarah accidentally dropped a bit of lettuce while making the salad, while Gwen (the dork she is) was taking the pot pie out of the oven over to the table, she slipped on the freshly-washed lettuce, then Kevin-D-idiot swooped over trying to save poor dorkish Gwen.
low and behold, there it is. the pot pie flying in the air slowly getting closer to the floor. it was almost like it was in slow motion. I quickly transformed into xlr8, but it was too late. the room went silent. the huge splat still ringing in my ears. I transformed back to normal self, and fell to my knees and picked it up, tons of gravy dripping from my hands. I yelled
"NOOOOOOOOOO! NOW WHAT WILL I EAT WITH MY BREYERS!?" I was starting to cry. then Sarah said very quietly "it'll be ok Ben."
I quickly replied
"NO IT WON'T, IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HIMMMM"
I slapped the Omnitrix transforming into Rath.
"LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING KEVIN-E-LEVIN, I COULD EASILY DIG YOUR EYES OUT VERY SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY RIGHT NOW. BUT I'M NOT, INSTEAD I'M GONNA ROAST YOU LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THAT POT PIE MEANT TO ME KEVIN. IT'S LIKE SUMO SLAMMERS + THE OMNITRIX TIMES 1,000,093, AND YOU DESTROY IT YA SEE. MY PRIDE AND JOY JUST CHILLING OUT IN THAT POT. AND YOU, YOU JUST DESTROYED IT. YOU KILLED IT. AND YOU'RE STILL SITTING THERE WITH THAT SMUG LITTLE LOOK ON YOUR UGLY FACE LIKE YOU SOOOOO HOT. NEWS FLASH, I'M THE HOT ONE HERE. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME? WHEN YOU LIVED IN THE SEWER? WHERE POOP GOES! YEAH, GO BACK THERE... WITH YOUR SPECIES. BURNNNNN" I said screaming the whole time, I was just about to silence Kevin forever, but Gwen and Sarah had to stop me. again.
then I transformed back to myself. screaming and crying, with only one thing to say
"GeT mE cHiLlI fRiEsSsSsS!"
as Kevin stomped his way into his stupid automobile screaming,
"I was just trying to save your cousin, Ben."
right as he walked out the door, Gwen started rambling on with five books and a chart of how chilli fries are SOOOOO bad for you.
"NO, not today Gwen. all I want is chilli fries and ice-cream. then I'll be a happy Ben."
all the kids we just staring with their jaws to the floor.
"do you want me to go back to SOLO BENNNNN"
i said as we all got into our cars. we made sure to take SEPARATE cars. I wouldn't be caught dead in a car with Kevin.
as we were driving to Burger shack, Sarah abruptly stopped after noticing some guy she recognized, all beat up...
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