There is no purpose to this life
I am lost in the shadows of depression
Its black vines grip me by the wrists and ankles and drag me into the belly of myself
It consumes me from within engorging itself with lust, greed, and hatred
It’s more than bondage
It’s more than an addiction
Its purely seductive lies draw me in
Like a sweet perfume
It begs me to fill myself with its desires
I step closer and take a bite only to have a sword jousted through my chest
Piercing straight through my heart
I scream in bitter agony
It enjoys my pain
So many times I have had this scar on my chest reopened
I'm not sure how I have been able to stay alive
This wound was different
The blade twisted inside my chest
As it slid back through my ribs
The blood created a sucking sound
Followed by a pop
A red mass of gore clenched to the blade
I hear a voice and it mocks me
You don't need this anymore, do you?
I mean you have practically ruined the poor thing
You are so quick to fall into any lie that I throw at you
I have you kissing my feet just like so many others
You know what?
Since you are so useless and there is absolutely no hope for you now
Because your heart is beyond repair
Why don't you just go and end your life right now.
You know where dad's gun is...
The vines grip tighter
They grow thicker
They start spiraling around my arms and legs like pythons eager to squeeze the life out of me
And swallow me whole
I take my final breath
Flash of light
Followed by pure darkness
Am I dead?
Is it over?
Is this what it is like to be dead?
Off in distance
At least I think it’s far away
There is a pinhole of light
Probably another lie
Just trying to get me hope for something
But I know that there is nothing more to earth than pain and suffering
So what I did was the best thing I could do right?
Spare myself from a life that sucks
The light got bigger and brighter, a lot brighter
So bright in fact that it burned my eyes to even squint at it
It began to surround me
The darkness fled as the light got close to it
It’s like the darkness is afraid
I am overwhelmed with emotion
Not an emotion that I am accustomed to
There something different
Something I have never felt before
I liked it and hated it
Like a drug
Tears swelled around my eyelids and began to stream down my cheeks
I don't know why I'm crying
I just know it feels right with this emotion
The overwhelming emotion suddenly vanishes
A terrible disgusting creature appears right in front of me
It had no skin
Just strands of muscle
Followed by bone at the joints
It was fat
Its intestines, stomach and other gore spilled out lying on the ground
I felt compelled so I asked it
Who are you?
I am you
I am your heart your deceitfully wicked heart
I am your closest friend
Then my heart vanished
Now there is a guy
He's nailed through his wrists and ankles onto a large wooden cross
He has deep gashes that cover his body
His left eye is swollen shut
He is drenched in blood from head to toe
He has a crown but there is 3in thorns spreading in all directions
Most are buried into his skull
He's definitely dead
I saw his chest move
How could anyone be alive after losing that much blood?
He had bled so much that it began to form a pool on the ground below him
His right eye opened
A brilliant mix of hazel
He had a piercing stare
He looked right into my eyes but further
He stared into my very soul
The emotion engulfs me again
He moves his lips and begins to utter a collection of sounds
Each syllable falls heavily on me
Like I was being crushed into dust
Again, again and again
I comprehend what he had just said
I love you
Is this the emotion I was engulfed with?
I ask the man
Who are you?
I am the lover of your heart
This death that is upon me is what your heart deserves
I am balling now
Ferociously crying and throbbing
This is the purpose for life
No it’s not he is just manipulating you
This is what I have longed for my entire life
To be loved
You see where love gets you.
You give it to every girl you come to only to have it slashed up
Your dad left you and your mom blames everything on you
There is no such thing as love
Yeah, you’re right
The man suddenly yelled.
I feel this hot damp breath on my neck
It stinks to high heaven
The hairs stand up on the back of my neck
I slowly turn around only to find
My heart in its disgusting condition is leaning right up against my back
I feel the fluids begin to soak into my shirt
My heart says in it wheezing voice
Right now you must choose
Come back to me
Come fill your desires and cravings
We will have all the fun in...
Wait I had said that
I begin to shout into the sky in utter confusion
What is going on?
Why do I feel this way?
I blink the tears out of my eyes only to find myself alone in the blinding white light
Death is just going to torment me for eternity then
I look around then I see him
I see the man but
He is no longer on the cross
He is now walking toward
He has no blood on him
He has no crown of thorns
He is wearing a white robe with a scarlet sash draped across his shoulder
I notice scars on his wrists and ankles
He approaches me and embraces me
Please come to me
I love you!
I have watched you since the day you were born
I watched you grow up into a young man
It hurt my heart every time I saw you fall into another lie
I know you mess up a lot but I am still infatuated with you!
I cannot be hearing this right
He loves me
He loves me?
There is no way
How is that even possible?
I am terrible and worthless
Stop telling yourself that you’re useless and stop fighting my love!
My heart breaks in two
It wasn’t being attacked but its walls had collapsed
I let him in
Knowing that the only threat he carries into my castle is
Oh Jesus I am sorry so sorry
How did I know his name?
I bow down to kiss his feet
I love you
My tears slide down his feet between his toes
It’s okay, you have been forgiven before your birth
I have just been longing for you to notice me
You don't have to die
You can truly live now
Live a life full of joy, peace, hope, and purpose
I wake up in a daze
I'm in a white room
My mom is crying in the background
I pulled the trigger
But there is more isn't there
His death has brought me new life and freedom
His death has brought me
PurposeAug. 25, 2017, 6:54 p.m. 0 Comments Report Embed 0
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