November 2021 finished a 90 day evaluation 3 days ago and am about to fill my prescription on Monday.
June 2021 was arrested and put into jail before being sent to the State Hospital for another 90 days.
stigma of mental illness puts men and women behind bars and incarcerated for long periods of time. we need to evolve our science pertaining to treating those that seem to bother rather then incarcerate until hospitalized we need a system of recovery that educates the community about treatment and tharopy; nun the less I have been placed in a duality of the legal structure of Montana and the science of psychiatry. I am working on my wellness and hope with this book others do to. medication is not supposed to be permanent however it is for many people suffering from diagnosis of chronic illnesses of the mind such as me and bipolar disorder. my spiritual path does not lead away from science it supports it with references to alchemy the origins of pharmacy and psychiatry, the universal symbols help those who suffer understand and navigate through psychosis and identify to those who are looking for the rout cause of the disorder or disease for instant physical trama such as a head wound can manifest in a fear of penitration or rape. the muscles in the body respond differently and the over all reaction to stimuli effecting memory a cycle of reactions that effect stress. full body trama. medication effects the stimuli and the stress however the wound is still effecting physical reaction. my bipolar is compounded with TBI and ADHD which puts me in a constant state of recovery. medication helps a lot with only 30 mgs of Abilify I am functional.
I have been hospitalized 3 times for bipolar disorder and find remedies to recover usually not medicated due to the severity of my disorder however this time my trama reaction needed more effort and so I am happily on my new medication of Abilify and am doing Great. 3 months of raising the levels up to an adiquet level and am stable enough to practice magic again. looking for a coven of practitioners similar to the OAO of Missoula that I was clergyman of in 2017.
my effort to remain logical placed me in the catagory of clinical empathy and spychic balancing intuition with common sense is part of who I am and am listed as a psychic bully or a powerful psychic. high functioning bipolar with a self driven code of ethics that allow me to articulate and disect a scenario overall an anylisit of patrons to any given coven. conflicts of personality can be resolved with constructive observations.
this however is only good if you can relate to reality or the combined perspectives of others. Abilify inhanced my reasoning and deduction skills bipassing the trama stresses of TBI and ADHD.
since leaving the state hospital I have embraced myself deaper as a person with a disorder diagnosis then ever my medication is a greater part of my life. and relearning to function is part of that embrace I am not the same as I was without the medication and that is okay I am still me and better then ever. the issue is that the stigma or the ignorance of what is is not knowing how one would act if they where unmedicated we who are diagnosed don't stay in psychosis all the time we have moments as for me long moments of seemingly normal or rational behavior. it is the moments we don't seem coming that the medication is for and so a daily routine of taking medication along with our daily habits.
thinking back to when I was placed in the state hospital and comparing to now I feel that there was a greater benefit to going and I don't see how I will return. the medications that the hospital placed me with are what I rely on for balance that I didn't have before I am pleased with the amount and the effort given for the balance that I have.
knowing I will never be the same again a sadness overwhelms me nothing remains the same as it was people love life and grow old and die the facts stay the same and death is all that is sertain. I don't wallow over the years that places seised to be or the people how odd they seem these many years later I can only see with what I know and my home town is less then it has ever been new faces and stranger places. laten memory and all. I am and will always be a better version of myself. all I can hope is that there is some resemblance to life I lived before.
now that it has been weeks since I left the state hospital I am feeling better about calling my disorder an illness however I still don't talk about it unless it is a topic already. we all have a story and this epic has just begun I am 40 years old and still learning how to live.
Sumerizing my experiences with the state hospital. it was needed and nessisary however it wasn't a comfortable transition it was something that I could not see within my daily routines that needed to change. I am grateful for the efforts of those who knew more then me. I am now medicated and am writing this book with gratitude for the work that was done.
as I write I have been out of the state Hospital for three months and have been stable on my medication. I am changing things up a little as I add edited version of my journals to this memoire I think I need more depth and without life events unfolding I don't know how I will get the depth needed to complete this book.
Thank you for reading!