Radcliffe Lunatic Asylum
September 11th 1865
My Dear Mr. Dodgson,
I received your letter today and it gave me such a sense of relief to hear word of the outside world. I have grown so weary of the walls that surround me. But the doctors say that I am showing signs of improvement and may yet be able to return home soon.
Despite my treatments, which are painful and many, I had the strangest dream the other night. I am a little afraid to share it with you, for I know the nurses must read my mail and will surely tell Dr. Carroll I am having an episode, but I feel as though I must tell someone.
I dreamt I was walking along a path that was familiar yet I knew it not at all. It was as if I had been there many times, and yet I knew for certain I had never seen nor been to the place before. I was surrounded in a garden of the most beautiful flowers one could ever imagine. There were colors of the brightest blues and violets, orchids and roses, daises and peonies. When suddenly the flowers began to bicker and argue about who had the brightest and best colors! I know flowers cannot speak of course, but these magical dream flowers could. And oh! How they argued amongst each other! The daisies argues with tulips who went after the pansies in such a rage I had never seen! I ran away in fear and suddenly I heard my name being called as if from a great distance. I ran towards the sound as fast as I could, but it seemed the faster I ran the less ground I gained. Abruptly I felt myself falling, spinning, faster and faster. I saw around me clocks and rabbits, a walrus and oysters, a mouse in a teapot - nothing made sense and faster still I fell.
I woke up on the floor of my room covered in a cold sweat like one feels when sick with fever. My head felt the same way it does after the electricity treatments I have so often, and I vomited onto the floor. Dr. Carroll let me have the day to rest and I did not tell him of my dreams, I fear it will make him give me more treatments.
I so hope to come home soon. I miss the real flowers and rabbits. I miss the kittens and soon it will be holiday, when everything is cheery. Nothing is ever cheery here, everything is always so very dark and glum. But at least I have my velveteen stuffed rabbit, without him I think I might truly lose my sanity. Say hello to Papa for me. I do miss him so.