🖤 My journey started many years ago, in fact I’d say it started in high school. Before I even met my husband. It was a feeling that I had for a while but couldn’t understand it. I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember and one of the strongest feelings I had was a feeling that something was missing. Like I could never feel complete until I found what that one thing was.
🖤 The older I got I realized that all I wanted from life was to be a mom. I just wanted to have this unbelievable bond with a child of my own. Something that would give my life purpose.
Then as I realized this, I started having a lot of fear and anxiety that this would somehow be taken from me. That for some reason I couldn’t have such an amazing gift.
🖤 I was able to put these emotions aside for a while until I met my husband in 2008. Thirteen years later after I felt we had done everything “right”. We Got married, got the house, and found our careers. Finally, we could start trying “guilt free”. It took 3 months to get pregnant which even tho 3 months is so quick looking back, it felt like such an incredibly long time and I was so worried my fear was coming true. When I found out I was pregnant it was such a huge relief. I was so happy.
🖤 Until I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Fast forward 14 months of trying we finally got our big fat positive. But only made it to 6 weeks. Not sure when or if I’ll ever fill that missing void in my life but I know it’s important enough to never give up.
Thank you for reading!