You don't find love, love finds you.
It has a little to do with destiny, luck
and what is written in the stars.
love, it's only four letters
Ariana has been lying motionless in bed for what seems like an eternity, but in reality only a few minutes have passed. The anxiety eats away at me and makes me desperate, yet I try to stay as calm as I can. In my heart of hearts I know that the unwanted talk must be done and cannot be postponed any longer.
I get up from the recliner lying on the side of the bed and squat down next to her to look at her face; a small tear rolls down her eye as she tries not to break into tears. I remove the bangs from her forehead and then I give her a tender kiss as when we were children.
-I am here, Princess, I am with you. You are not alone. -When she hears my words she takes my hand and cradles it in her chest and breaks into tears.
I embrace her.
Two days ago the doctor told us that there was nothing more to do. That all we had to do was wait for the right moment. He advised us to go home and put everything in order and enjoy our last days together, which we did.
-I'm scared, Milo," he slurps his nose as he turns away and finds his gaze in mine. I still don't want to die.
-I know, baby... I try to be strong and not cry, to be strong for her. You are not alone.
-I know I'm not alone, but I don't want to leave you either. She puts her hand, bruised by the needles, on my cheek and looks at me as if the words were piling up on her tongue. Do you remember all the plans we had? To go to Ireland, to see the Iguazu Falls... -she pauses to breathe before the crying doesn't let her- to have children.
The crying falls from her beautiful eyes like water in the rainy season, her perfect eyebrows turn red like her nose and then I hug her. I hold her at this moment so hard, so cruel, so merciless. Whoever said that there is no medicine that cures happiness, lied. Neither the greatest happiness nor the most advanced medicine has been able to narrow that bridge between destiny and life for the woman I love.
Now, all that remains for me is to love her and give her the peace she needs in these desperate times. No matter what I feel, no matter the helplessness, the frustration, the pain, the sadness, because the only thing that really has priority in my life, in this life, is her, Ariana.
-Don't think about it, love. Don't torture yourself thinking about what could have been, think about now -I take her hands and kiss them delicately- that we are together, that it doesn't matter what happens, because if there is one thing you must be sure of, it is not tomorrow but my love for you. Why I loved you even when I barely knew you, I love you even when I see your scars and I will love you always even when you are not by my side. Because even if everything becomes unbearable you must be sure that at the end of the road when you look back you will see that everything you lived, everything you did, the people you helped, the smiles you had, the tears you shed and everything, all the love you gave me was not in vain. You have marked many lives, you have marked my life, honey, forever.
She holds my gaze with her own, she feeds on my words that little by little are penetrating her and transmitting the peace she needs to calm her fears. She needed me to remind her that I love her, not that she will not die because it is inevitable, but to calm those waves that rise before her calm, she needed me to remind her that for love nothing is in vain.
The beer lies cold on the table along with others that keep me company. I've been drinking for what seems like a long night but it's not really like that, I started at six in the evening; I see the wall clock and it's barely eight thirty at night. It is not as late as I thought it was.
Today would have been a special day, since we would have been married for five years, but instead it has been two months since Ariana passed away; the pain of her loss has left not only an empty space in my bed but also in the primordial place of my heart. I have cried everything that a man in his right mind can cry, I have suffered in silence the unimaginable so much that I can no longer stand it.
I cannot conceive of a future where his eyes are not the lampposts that guide me in the stormy pressures, where his m
Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
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