“No, no. Repeat It again.” You insist maliciously. “From the very beginning.” You add with an air of triumph.
“So, I cannot say no, can I?”
“Is that really a question?”
No, it isn’t. You’re right, that isn’t a question. With you, there aren’t any questions, just facts. Like, for example, the fact that it doesn’t matter how I feign to be perturbed for your haughty attitude, because I’m just crystal clear to you: you know I love your self-confidence painting your words each and every time we see ourselves in these circumstances. Or the fact that there isn’t that much self-confidence behind your words, but the pretense of it.
I caress your cheek and put that rebellious strand of yours behind your pointy ear.
“What?” I ask you with feigned innocence when annoyance is painted all over your beautiful face. I know you try and look intimidating, but you’re just making it more difficult for me not to forget about our verbal back-and-forth and kiss to oblivion that cute pout from your face.
And that is also a fact: that you’re waiting, since too long. Actually, we’re both waiting and, at the same time, we’re not expecting that much, don’t you think? We both know what is awaiting there for us at the end of our wait, can that really be considered as expecting? I expect so, because, despite everything, I expect what we’re waiting for never really happens to come true. Am I confusing you? You do say when I talk like this is like I want to become some sort of Aristotle or Plato, and for that reason I’ll just answer to your pouty face with my smile and save this for myself; this time around.
“Okay. You win.”
Because that is how it is. You’re as accustomed to wining as I am to letting you win. Or at least that’s more comfortable thought than that you’re so good at wining over me despite all my best efforts on the opposite.
Oh. Slightly cold and raspy, but your hand sliding over my wrist and your fingers intertwining whit mine in a gentle caress have a softness and a warm that defy all comprehension. I’m overdressed with my scarf right now; or I’d be, if it hadn’t come back to me the very night you gave the scarf to me even though you hadn’t even finished it because you were too lazy to do it, as you said back then.
I see. You want me to remember the obvious; you winning is not the opposite of me winning. Wining is not the outcome of a battle against each other with an only winner when it’s about you and I. That it’s something mutual and shared between us. Yes, you’re right; I like you’re right, because what you say and what you do-not-say is true, and truth is such a beautiful thing… that’s what bring us to this moment, really.
“Yesterday I received a phone call.”
I was hoping saying it all in one go, but I stop at that when I feel you squeezing tenderly my hand. Maybe it’s because of your enthusiasm. It’s in there rare moments when I find it in your look the empiric answer about it being possible to have had lived through a lot and even so to keep a childlike wonder and innocence.
“It was your big brother on the phone. Your sister-in-law has got a decent work schedule at last, with its vacation days and all. So he said they’re both coming here to see you-
“…to see us.” I rectify smiling and shaking my head left to right; you’re impossible, you know? Of course, we both know it alright, whatever. “They’re coming this weekend.”
“Wow, that’s so unbelievable when they’re unreachable all the time!” Is that undeniable mirth what I hear in your voice? Because I’ve told you this twice already, and if it wasn’t me myself the one who told you it the first time around but five minutes back, I’ll swear this is your first time hearing this.
“And so I told him that sounds wonderful to us both and that we’ll be waiting them with open arms and a handful of slaps on the wrist for all the times they said they were coming and the didn’t come in the end.”
Your laugh is so sweet. Maybe not as melodious like the one of a tale’s princess, but more so as a candy you find in a pot when you thought it was already empty but you open nonetheless because that’s what you intended to do for starters. It’s a surprise you never anticipated but it also never fails to bring a smile to your face and make you celebrate it.
“He was equally amused.” And like that your smile vanish to nothing. “Don’t sweat it, I made sure to let him know it sounds amusing but it’s pretty much going to happen the same.”
“Even if they offer resistance.”
“Even so, yeah. Although you risk that they decide not coming back ever again when that happens.”
“A risk well worth it. We can always lure my big bro claiming we’ve found that one out of print edition he’s been looking for since forever.”
“And that’s why you love me so.” You say as a anyone can say the sun rises in the east.
“That, I am told a lot.” I concede as anyone can concede the sun sets in the west. That’s a reality I cannot deny because so many people have seen it from themselves in two minutes time since the meet us and they even make sure to give a thought about it.
“Well, so what did you answer when he asked you to take care of me so I was fine when they come this weekend?”
I see you couldn’t wait for that part that interest you the most, could you? That’s okay, nothing new here, really. I admit that’s also my favorite part because—
“That you’re the one who takes care of me. That when we’re here, the fact that you’re bedridden and I just sit on the bed is the only reminder that you’re the one who’s hospitalized and waiting for her treatment.
—above them all, this smile that enlighten your face right now is the brightest I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen it recently only twice, and the first time was when I said this very same words to you not even 5 minutes back. Could it be possible to exist a smile more gorgeous? Just you wait, I think I can answer that question in the affirmative with only adding something new and so old at the same time.
"I love you, my darling."
Because those tears that gather in your eyes and will fall when you next blink don’t bother me, but they fill my heart with so much love and tenderness. Because your smile, even bigger than the last one, it’s just so limited to express your immense affection. My hand will not long your intertwined fingers, but it will rest softly in your neck as your arms trap my body in a fierce hug.
“You know I love you too.” You state in a moist whisper as ethereal as real.
Because, when we’re talking about you, something that doesn’t seem real as your pretended self-confidence, it ends being more real than the real self-confidence. Because you don’t try and pretend something to obscure the fact that you miss that something, but you pretend that something as a longing even when you fight to achieve it in your belief of you lacking that… and the only thing you ought to be lacking are reasons to believe it when I say I never saw a confidence as strong as yours. And, no, don’t you dare to ask me how can I say that, because with you there aren’t questions, just facts.
Thank you for reading!