shadowilinise Elisa Viteri

Frederico de la luna is a madman with unclear motives who leads a group of mercenaries in search to destroy as many cities as he can. Alister, his second in command has vowed to protect him even though Frederico treats him poorly. The young man's devotion to his general hides a secret. Its left to wonder, what made the once noble and kind Frederico into the crazy sorcerer he is now? All unfolds in the broken world of Elision, where the torn moon shines engulfed by bloodied clouds.


Fantasy Dark Fantasy For over 18 only.

#romance #love #drama #war #magic #death #post-apocalyptic #demons #kingdoms #witches #redemption #family #hope #darkfantasy #abuse #sacrifice #despair #mercenary #mentalillness #destruction #darksecrets #grimdark #swordfight #sorcery # #curses #malice #overcomingtrauma
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Prologue: Crimson will


Lost in the vortex of time and space within the worlds, there we are. Red land, crimson skies giving gentle hue, like being in an eternal twilight where the sun comes closer to the ground, giving us its tormenting warmth. But we handle it, that's how we live. Only condemned beings and demons roam this place for eternity.

They called it "Elision", I called it… home…

At least I used to call it that way, now it's just…"Hell".

Every day is a constant torment I wish I could end, but I can't… so I just follow the dark wind of fate until it swallows me and breaks this curse. That's my only wish.

Prologue: Crimson will

The devoted:

There he was, struggling to find his way towards the main hall; his leg was badly injured with its dark blood and red flesh tearing apart with every step. The memory of skin was rotting away because of the living inferno inside the castle. Everything was on fire, the castle town and the castle itself. His pain was unbearable but his will to protect his lord was much stronger, so he struggled towards the room with blood dripping away in every step and with pieces of his leg falling apart.

"Your… grace…" he tried to scream,

He was the only one left; the others were brutally murdered; they sliced them, stabbed them, burn them and cut their heads. He still had the wound in his throat as a memento of his near-death experience. They had no morals, just anger and hate.

Finally, after a long painful journey, he reached the room and, with his remaining energy, opened the door.

In a flash, a thin sword pierced his head, leaving a trace of blood tainting his murderer. Even with his eyes wide open, he couldn’t see the face of the one who took his life. He fell to the ground, covered in scarlet liquid.


"Why look! He tried to save you!" said the man holding a head from the hair, making it stare with its dead eyes at the new corpse. "What loyalty" the man in navy colored suit, pale skin, blue cape and white hair was covered from head to toes in blood. He silently moved toward the head's body. "I thought you would put more of a fight," he said, stabbing with his tainted sword the fatal wound which killed the lord in life. "How disappointing. " Then he pierced the lord’s sword into the head and walked away, leaving a trace of burning flames in the throne room.


I was inside the Lord's room looking at his family, trembling, crying.

I didn't care. I wonder when all emotion faded away.

"Please… let my son live," said the mother, holding her scared son in her arms.

I took my sword, and with one swing I cut the mother's head. Her son saw it all, he was screaming terrified… It was annoying. I sliced his throat, and he bled to death, leaving the room in the care of the burning flames.

Outside, everything was destroyed. The citizens were now fried and deceased. We were the only ones who were still alive. Luna's army.

The blood-soaked man came outside the castle holding the victory symbol, the ruler’s head and puts the sword on the ground.


"Sir! All civilians were successfully terminated,” a slender red-haired witch dressed in black said.

"Thanks, lady Frida," he said

"It’s Nadie sir…" she corrected, slightly annoyed.

"It's not important," he looked at me. "What's your name? Did you finish with the family?"

I frowned. He forgot again.

"I'm Alister, and yes I did"

"Perfect, we are done now."

The screams of victory from our army went to the air within the smoke of the flames.

That was our leader, Frederico de la Luna.






July 26, 2020, 8:52 p.m. 1 Report Embed Follow story
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Daluse S Daluse S
Federico is so interesting. It kept me wanting to learn more about his story, why does he does that, etc. For me, the only thing that's confusing is how it changes dialogues and description from character to character. I understand you want to keep 3rd singular person, but perhaps trying some "nicknames" for those parts where you don't want to share more. For example, Federico could be de suited man. That way, I believe that will help the reader get to know each character by their own characteristics. It could also be a scar o even hair (like Nadie, who has red hair). As for the whole, it was hard to read sometimes. I like you use a lot of punctuation marks, and I'm truly grateful for those, but at the same time some sentences are quite short. In addition to that, paragraphs could be longer with a short description or even taking the same ideas together. It's easier for the mind if ideas are in the same paragraph, and I know sometimes it could be hard. Anyhow, that's my suggestion. Even with that said, I enjoyed a lot the Prologue, very interesting and catching, as a Prologue should be. Nice job!!
November 16, 2023, 00:43
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