Today I wanted to get out of bed but I couldn't, my knees couldn't bend, my head hurt like if I was hit against the cement, my arms were numb. I didn't know what had happened to me but I was sure of something, I had no way to continue living like this.
After 3 months of rehabilitation I was much better but I did not feel prepared. I usually compared myself with the others, I always knew it was a bad habit but sometimes it made me feel better. My roommate was a drug addict, he was quite young in age but due to his vice he seemed several years older. Whenever we saw each other in the room the only thing we said was a simple "hello", neither of us were good at talking. I always thought that in a sense we were similar, we are both very quiet, serious most of the time (not that there is much to laugh about here), perhaps the only difference we had was our vice. He is a drug addict and I am an alcoholic.
Every Thursday a nurse would come to my room to take me for a walk in the park after breakfast. She was very young maybe 25 years old. I did not want to ask her either, she had wavy and very blonde hair, when the sun hit her hair she seemed gold color, her eyes were light brown and she was always smiling, in a good mood. I always thought she did it for commitment or something similar but after observing her several times I realized that she was like that. Every Thursday it was the same routine, she would ask me “how was I and if I wanted to take a walk today”, I always said yes, it was my favorite day, I couldn't refuse. This morning after breakfast, he came to my room like every Thursday but today he was different. She did not greet me with the same smile, his eyes looked sad, she had very dark circles, I think she noticed my surprised face and she pretended a smile and pointed me the way although I already knew it.
The whole tour of the park was silent she was ahead of me maybe she didn't want me to see her in the face. I didn't dare to say anything, I just had to ask her if she was fine but my words did not come out, suddenly I saw some benches nearby from the lake in the park and with fear and stuttering, I said to her:
-¿Do you want us to take a seat on those benches?
- She just nodded her head.
Sitting on the bench, a gust of fresh wind pass, the orange leaves flew in the middle of autumn, the clouds covered the sun and the trees moved with the wind.
Suddenly I look up at her and I see a small smile, looking towards the horizon and then she says to me:
-I love autumn and you? Before i could say anything, she kept talking.
-I always liked the color of the leaves at this time, the fact that it is not hot but not too cold, to hear the sound of the leaves flying and falling to the ground. I used to come with my father here when I was a child. I always ran to the birds and tried to catch them, my father always brought me here because she said it was good to clear up once in a while.
While she was talking I couldn't stop thinking the reason of his sadness that day, why she was telling me all this, maybe she didn't have someone to talk to, I don't know. As I sank into my thoughts, I had to ask her.
-Why are you sad?
-She looked at the ground as if I wasn't asking her and then she looked back at the horizon, it seemed like she didn't want to look me in the eye and said:
-I don't know. Have you never felt that you are sad but without knowing the reason?
-I couldn't help but make a half smile and say:
-I feel that way almost every day.
-And she asked me again: How do you do it? I mean how do you constantly live with that feeling?
-You just need something I call "a ground wire." She looked at me for the first time. In case you wonder, it is something or someone that makes you get out of the routine, it can be a special person with whom to spend a certain time or a hobby that distracts you and you forget everything that is around you.
- She looked thoughtful and after a few seconds she wonder:
-And what is your ground wire?.
- I smiled again but this time completely and I said:
-Every time I come here with you I forget my problems, your smile every time you come to look for me, it is as if I were somewhere else for a few minutes, I wait every Thursday with craving, maybe you're the only reason I want to keep living.
Thank you for reading!