I am having a regression to my childhood. I think I was lost for 7 years or maybe more. I do not know what caused it to be honest. I am starting to feel me again. I am kind of disappointed too or maybe I am just disappointing my inner child as I am living a life that does not go that accurate with my ideology or beliefs. Still, all those 7 years where I lost me, where I did not know who I was, they taught me a lot. I made huge mistakes and I will continue making them but I am not afraid anymore to show who I am. I am still missing a lot of courage to get where I want to be.
This little crash where my expectations and lifestyle I am having does not match with my thoughts are wreaking havoc on my soul and mind. Where is all my willingness to change the world? I know it may sound a little bit cliche but we are here for that... to do something. Not just sitting behind a screen (like I am right now) or complaining or working our asses off to earn money to buy and own things. It is fine to have these dreams but we need to be activists and fight for what we believe. This is the part where it hurts the most. I am not doing anything, I am not doing anything to fight against patriarchy, women rights, poverty, etc. I have been working obsessed with the idea of buying a house, a big house but it is really worth it? Is it not better to buy a modest house where I can feel safe, just that? Without any luxury.
I am having that sense of freedom right now while listening Chris Cornell pretty much since 8am and it is 10:40am right now. If you want to awaken that sense of protest and activism please please please listen to him. If you want to be happy for a few hours, you can always look for him, most perfect voice ever.
Jan. 4, 2019, 5:04 p.m.