Daniela
The most important thing that i’ve learned in life is that all the princess stories we watch when we are little are not based on reality. We are raised believing that we need to find our prince charming. Truth is prince charming doesn't exist...
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But it was until i met Greg that I finally knew I was over my past and ready to move on. I remember it was a Friday the 17th of August, I had just arrived from the gym and I received a phone call from a friend. He was inviting me to a party. I had my second thoughts about it but I accepted and went.
The party seemed fun, all my friends were there and for once I knew I could drink without it being to feel better. I still missed Mike from time to time but something about that day just made me forget him almost completely.
I went to get my drink and some guys approached me to tell me that I needed to drink it all in one go. I was surprised but a guy named Greg caught my attention, he was pretty good looking and I thought he was funny. So we started drinking together. I do remember he stole my phone so I was kind of mad at him but not really. We got to the point where we were kind of drunk and so he asked me to go outside for air with him. We walked together for a bit and I started to know him better. He was shy and mostly listened to me talk and talk. I pretty much do that all the time. Until he kissed me. It was cute but I was too drunk and got dizzy if I kissed him so had to stop. He was not mad, he acted normal and we simply talked for a little longer. Until I had to leave, he asked for my instagram account and then I thought I would probably not see him again. I was wrong....
The next day he texted me and we arranged to see each other at the beach, we were neighbors so we took our dogs for a walk and talked for a while. He told me that he didn't have a ride to the beach so that he wasn't going to be able to go. So I offered to take him. We saw each other again that week before going to the beach. He was at a party so I went with him, we didn't kiss again. I wanted to and now I know he wanted that too but was to shy to kiss me again. But still, I liked him, I had fun with him, he listened to me and was a really good guy.
We finally went together to the beach that weekend I was really happy but I wasn't sure what would happen. I mean I sure as hell wanted to kiss him but wasn't sure of what he wanted. We spent most of the day in the sea and talking until we went to a party. In the party still I sensed he was really shy and I had the worst luck of meeting the three guys I kissed on the same day when I was a wreckage and they were flirting with me. I was worried Greg would get a wrong impression about it. But later I knew he didn't, we both had some drinks and he asked me to go for a walk with him.
We ended at the beach, it was dark and we talked for a while until we kissed. I was really happy. The next day he started to stop little by little being shy and I spent most of the day hugging him and kissing him. The next days we saw each other literally each day. We went to the movies, parties, to eat, chill at my place, etc. Those days I spent with him were really happy ones. We had a great time together and we started to get to know each other better.
He studies abroad so I knew he was leaving since I met him, after knowing him I wanted him to stay. But of course I knew he couldn't. So we spent all the days we could together, until he left. One of the lasts days he was here I saw Dan at college, he was finally back from his two month trip and he came to talk to me. He was interested in me wanted to do things with me but I was waiting for Greg to get there so we could leave together. When he arrived and flirted all I could think of was how I hadn't thought of him in a long time and that I could be with him and not feel anything at all. I was so happy and on the next days I also saw Mike at a party I went to with Greg and once again I felt nothing.
I was finally over them and happy, of course I knew Greg was leaving and I was sad about it but at the same time grateful I met him and grateful of the time we spent together. The day he left finally arrived and we said our goodbyes, I cried of course and that was that. When he arrived we kept talking and we still talk everyday but while his been gone I have kept working on self love and acceptance and mostly on my future.
I'm really glad I met him and I cannot wait to see him again. I mean I will keep talking to him and I do hope he remains in my life for a very long time. But at the same time I know him leaving was for the best. I've had time for myself, I love my life and the people in it and I have really been working on being better.
With this experience of heartbreak I understood that even though losing someone we love hurts, we always gets past it. We always find a way to move on. We don't need to focus on finding the love of our lives because he will find the way to us and above all of that life is about learning to love yourself before you love someone else. Life is about being happy and doing what makes you happy. Being with who makes you happy. Most people are temporary, but the ones that stay are the ones worth fighting for.
I know this is not my last heartbreak and I know I still have a whole path to follow but I'm glad I can and I'm looking forward to it. I'm glad I experienced it because it made me stronger, all the tears made me who I am today and all the pain I went through thought me so much. Im thankful I met all this wonderful people and I'm thankful for guys like Greg. Im thankful for another experience and what I can tell you is even though it seems like the pain will never go away. It does, keep fighting.
I had spent a lot of time focusing on myself. But I had been texting Dan. By that time I knew it wouldn't work, so I decided to stop talking to him and knew I was completely over him. He has trust issues and he would never forgive me for breaking the promise I made. Nothing would ever be the same so I decided it was time to cut him off my life. It hurt a lot because half Dan was better than no Dan at all. But he was so distant and was acting like a douche. He was a totally different person, one I couldn't love.
Mike on the other hand I had started to forget but still missed him from time to time. But I hurt him too deeply, he started treating me awful. He even called me a whore, he apologized after but because my cousin asked him to.
I decided it was about time I moved on (or at least try) so I accepted an invite from Robert to go out. I thought he was a nice guy, and cute but not really for me. We went out sometimes, had a fun time together and even went to Santa Teresa (a beach) together. But we had a fight, we were not dating or anything and his best friend was a guy that at some point in my life I had already kissed. One day we went out and I kissed his friend. Robert was not there and we were not together, we weren't even actually speaking so I decided to go ahead. When Robert found out he was so mad and he made a scene.Maybe what I did was wrong but I didn't cheat and we weren't together. He made a scene but then apologized and it was too late. I knew I didn't like him that much and that even though I didn't mean to, I was using him to get over Mike. So I cut him off. I couldn't be that person.
That weekend I decided to finally delete Mike from social media and block him for good. It had been a month since he broke up and even though I had missed him from time to time, I was ready to finally let go. I was sad because he had treated me horribly and I wanted to end things in good terms. But at the end I cheated so there was not much I could do for him not to hate me. He saw me as the devil, he only saw what I did wrong and I get it, I hurt him. But I knew it was time to move on for real. The times we had spoken were mostly fights and I was done with relieving the past this time for real.
I had been flirting for a while with my best friend but hadn't seen him since I broke up with Mike. Without him I would've lost it in my relationship. He was the one who always picked the broken pieces, the one who was always there to listen to me and the one who hugged me while I cried. We went to a party together, it was not the first time since we were best friends that something else more than friendship was going on but we never actually kissed or anything. That night we did, I had a fun time and I knew I had feelings for him. Maybe confusing ones but they were there. I liked him very much, always had. The thing is we are better as friends. All the times we end up deciding that. And I was not ready for a relationship and I decided it was best if we remained as just friends. I was not about to risk losing him while I was not really sure about my feelings completely.
I had other things with other guys going on but nothing serious, I hadn't felt anything for anyone since my breakup. There were these guys that used to fight over me but I didn't actually like any of them. And the guys that constantly wanted to hook up. But I was not interested. They all kept texting me but I was bored and needed some time off all guys.
So I decided to take some more time just for myself. In this time I learned to love myself again, to stop doubting myself, to fight for what I want. I started playing tennis again, I started working and decided to finally start my second career. Things I hadn't done because my relationship consumed my time. I decided to focus on myself and the people I loved I was finally happy.
As you all most have experienced at some point in your lives (if you haven't you probably will) losing the first real love you have hurts a lot. My story doesn't end in finding my true love, my story ends with self acceptance and understanding to appreciate the little things.
When I lost both Dan and Mike I felt a hole in my stomach at first. It all happened so quickly, I couldn't believe that was it. Goodbye, for good. I knew that neither of them was good for me and that in the long term it was for the best. But at that moment all I could think of was "i'm going to die, I can't exist without them". That day all I did was cry, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was a wreckage. My mom spent most of the day with me and she told me that it would all get better, that it was better for me. But I couldn't stop feeling guilty because I knew I hurt the person I loved the most. Mike. Don't get me wrong, I really liked Dan and all we had been through but I held on to the unrealistic possibility of him coming back and making things right with me.So I didn't deal with it at that time.
The next day my sisters arrived and took me to watch Hotel Transylvania 3, they knew I was down but they wouldn't allow more tears for some guy that didn't appreciate me until he lost me. So we went, I loved the movie but cried a big part of it.
My best friend Maria arrived from Miami the next day with the news that she also broke up with her boyfriend that weekend and that she was very sad too. We were sitting both sad in my living room but she said
Maria "Okay no we are not going to be those girls who sit to cry for their exes, we are better than that and deserve better. No way girl, we are going out. We will go buy alcohol and go party. Call your friends, I'm done having a pity party"
Me "Sound like a plan, old habits die hard my love"
So that day we asked my cousin Leiton and his friends Robert and Edward to go out with us. It was monday and we couldn't be more drunk. Mike had blocked me from WhatsApp so I decided to drunk text him. I know it was not smart, we had a fight I don't remember what happened but he unblocked me and I suppose he was ready to start letting go. So I decided I should too. Edward was flirting with Maria and Robert with me. Of course we decided it was about time to move on and what better way of doing it than rebound. So I kissed Robert.
But it didn't seem to work, I still woke up the next day with regret and feeling lonely. So Maria and I started to make plans to go out every day and spend time together. I basically spent drunk most of the week. I remember the worst day was Thursday, we went out and I met three handsome guys. I was very drunk because I had just drank 50 shots and I decided it was a good idea to kiss the three of them. Then I met the guy I liked before Mike (We have some sort of history) and I decided why not kiss him too. His name was Tom and I had been crazy about him for a while. But he was a player and we never took things seriously. I kissed him and realized that I will always even though it's really lowkey have feelings for him. But we could never be together, he is a fuckboy so I decided to stay away from him. I felt so bad, I vomited all the liquor that night and woke up feeling lonely and empty. I missed Mike and all I could think about was I would never find a guy who is not a player and wants to commit again. I had a hangover and so many regrets.
I called Mike and told him I wanted him back (I know it was not the smartest thing to do) and he was considering it. He was upset but I could sense he might give in. But while I was doing it my mother came to my room to see how I was and told me I had to be done with playing. That we couldn't break up and get back together a million times. That this time it had to be a real breakup. So I texted him I was done for real that I was sorry I called.
He had been posting in all his social media how much he loved being single and how much he loved having sex. He actually still posts about having sex all the time. But at some point I remember he admitted that it was to bother me. At first it did, I couldn't bare the thought la him with someone else. But I knew I had to find another way of letting go.
I knew rebounds and alcohol were not going to do the trick so I decided to focus on self growth instead. I bought a book of getting over heartbreaks, watched every movie about it and started my gym schedule to get a revenge body. I even wrote guys a letter.....
It's funny how people promise us the world and leave us hanging. It's funny how guys the only thing that do is lie about everything. They are all players, they are all willing to do what it takes to hurt you no matter what. But you know what, fuck them. Fuck them. Let them do whatever the fuck they want, fuck who ever they want and never ever show weakness. Let them do mistakes, let them fall apart inside and fill their life with whores. Because you know what they are just boys. Immature boys that are not worth your time or you tears. They hurt you and didn't even blink and when they want you back is too late. But you know what you don't need a man to be happy. You don't need someone to be there. You don't need an idiot to help you get through the day because you know what you are stronger than that. You are strong and losing someone that wanted to lose you since the start doesn't matter. But when you do find a life worth fighting for then that's the love you need to fight for. But for now live without apologies, have fun and never ever have regrets. Never ever suffer for someone that is not worth it and never ever be bothered by a bitch like him. He played you, made you cry so much and you know what. He was not worth it. He is just insecure in this world and feels the need to make everyone else insecure with his comments to feel better with himself. But you know what. Let him go, let him live a life of misery without you because he had his chance. And he screwed up so hard that there's no forgiving and going back. There's just forgiving and moving forward. Because no matter what you will succeed at life. You will be happy and maybe someday find someone that fills your heart with joy. Not someone that confuses you. Someone that will always be there from the start. And until then never ever again settle for less just because you are scared to be lonely like he is. Never ever again fight for someone who is not worth it and never again should you give you best to someone that won't do the same. Stop being sad because of what he became without you. Stop being bothered by the girls he talks to or the whores he's fucking. You know what, you are worth ten times that, you are worth someone that will give you the world without expecting anything in return and someone who will fight for you without you having to ask. Stop caring about his game of making you feel sad or getting revenge or rebound. Call it what you want he is so insecure he needs the attention and if he can't have it from you of course he's looking elsewhere for it. But you know what who cares because instead of needing someone to love me and hold me, I'm starting my life. Starting a path to success and love will find its way to me. I know I can do whatever I want to accomplish and god will guide me through a path of healing after he sent me such a huge storm. I'm simply happy right now and I'm going to be happy through the good and bad. I'm going to smile at life and life will smile right back. Because I finally understand you don't need anyone there to save you. You don't need to worry of the what ifs. If someone wants you in their life they will fight for a spot there. And if they don't, let them go. Let them replace you because you know what, you don't owe them anything, you don't need to be liked by everyone because it's impossible either way. And you need to keep moving forward no matter what. I don't hate him, I wish him the best and I do believe he can rise above all his insecurities and fix himself. But I couldn't keep doing it any longer I couldn't be the one to fix him. Because he knows he's broken but won't do anything about it. So what can I say, I can't help him and it's not my duty. If it consumes me and breaks me then it's not fair and I can't keep hurting myself like that. I can't keep putting myself in a position of weakness because I've already been through enough heartbreak and tears. I need to rise above it and keep going and remember to never become dependent of someone's presence and never let a toxic person destroy you. Because they will just keep dragging you down until you can't breath and you finally let go of them and leave.
His mother for me was like a second mother, the times he treated me badly she was there for me. We used to text so much and I spent hours in her room talking about everything. When I realized she had cancer I bought her a gold bracelet and started to send her daily positive texts. I wanted to be there for Mike because I knew she needed it. We still had our problems but I loved her and wanted to be for both of them. She had been so nice to me, always supported me and loved spending time talking to me. But I couldn't help but notice how badly Mike treated her. How he used to expect her to cook him breakfast and take it to his room. I mean she should be resting and when I was there I cooked because I wasn't letting her do it. But all the rest of the time he acted as if she was fine and even fought with her all the time. He used to tell her horrible things.
I tried my best to leave my feelings aside and to be with him. I really tried to forgive him and change how I felt. But I couldn't, the damage he had done was to deep and I knew that he might change some things but most of the things I disliked were part of him and were not going anywhere. Mostly I hated how he treated his mother, she was so kind and loving. One of the hardest parts about our breakup was letting her go because I wanted to be for her the way Mike wasn't.
I really tired, even though I constantly broke up with him and got back together after he begged me not to leave him. He used his mother's sickness to tell me that I was a heartless person. That how on earth could I leave him in the hardest moments of his life. I was horrible to him at the end and I made so many mistakes. We constantly kept fighting and I hated him a little bit more every day. I simply couldn't stay knowing all he put me through and forgiving him while loving him. Also I couldn't stand how he acted with his mother, each time I went to his house and saw him fight with her I wanted to kill him. She never deserved a son like that and my biggest regret is not getting to be there for her.
Time started to pass, it all became more like a routine were we constantly fought, broke up and got back together. Those times were really hard. Specially because his mother was sick and I had just lost my baby puppy in an accident.
I met a guy, he was very handsome, tall, in shape, funny, charming...and he was everything that Mike wasn't. His name was Dan.
He was my classmate at college and we started to get very close as time passed. But it was until the first time we went out together I knew I liked him. We went to eat after class, of course I told Mike everything I did and it wasn't an actual date or anything. But it sure felt like it. After that we started talking a lot and having lunch dates. We studied together and after class we always went to Starbucks.
He used to tell me everything, we spent talking most of our time and he used to tell me we would get married when I turned 26. We had this inside joke that whenever one of us was unhappy we usted to say "fuck it" and just move on. The fun thing was how he said it, it made me laugh so hard. He also had the job of being my #1 follower on Instagram that's why he always needed to like mi pictures. He used to drive me home all the time and I always made fun of him because his playlist was the same one each time.
There was this one time when I was drunk and had my car so he got in an Uber for one hour only to drive me home and get an Uber back to his house. He used to care so much about me. It didn't matter what he was doing if he sensed I was unhappy he would drop it and wouldn't stop until he knew I was happy. We spent most of our time just the two of us. At that time all I could think was why Mike wasn't like him.
I was beginning to fall for him and Mike could sense that, he was very jealous but I assured him nothing was going on because I still wanted to try and make things right with him. But when I felt something for someone else I knew that our relationship was too broken to be fixed. Because I loved him, but not enough. Before Dan I never even glanced at someone else so I knew things weren't right.
The first mistake I ever did was go to the cinema with him and telling Mike about it. He was furious but kept it together because was really scared to lose me. But by then he already knew that Dan wasn't just my friend. Nothing happened but everyone around us could feel there was something else going on. Something more than friendship, we had too much Chemistry.
I knew Dan had been talking to someone else because we were just friends and I knew he was a player. He won't commit, he is scared of commitment and abandonment. So he avoids his feelings. But still he told me he felt something for me. I knew I did to. He went to Mexico with his friends for a week and spent most of his trip texting me he missed me. He knew how Mike treated me and hated him for that. He used to tell me all the time cute stuff.
Dan "Even though you really believe you are not, you are beautiful. You are smart and kind and also wife material. And also get over it you are not fat"
Me "Thanks, could you do it again"
Dan "Do what"
Me "You know what"
Dan "Ok fine, fuck itttt"
Me "Thanks I love it"
Dan "I love you"
Me "What did you just say"
Dan "I love you and I know you love me too. But I want to hear you say it"
Me "No way"
Dan "Pleaseee"
Me "Ok, I love you Dan"
Dan "I know, but I just wanted you to say it out loud because now that you did, you can't take it back ever. We will be super BFFs forever"
Me "You are such an idiot haha but ok I'll be your super BFF forever"
Thing started to warm up quickly until we got to the point were we couldn't be in the same room without wanting to kiss each other intensely. But I resisted the urge because I couldn't cheat on Mike. So I decided that no matter how much it would hurt him I needed to be honest with him, tell him how I felt and break up with him. I knew the timing was terrible because I knew how hard it most be to have his mother that sick. But I had left my feelings aside for three months. I really tried to give us a chance and it didn't matter how hard I tried, it simply didn't work. We were too broken.
So we went to eat together and I did tell him and broke up with him. We didn't speak for a while that day until he called...
Mike "I don't tell you so you can feel responsible, but I tried to commit suicide today. I couldn't bare the thought of you with another guy"
I was so scared and knew this was not the first time so I asked him to come to my house to talk. He entered crying, I had never seen him like that before and I wasn't going to let him do it. I didn't know what to do and so I told him that we could get back together. I still remained treating him badly, I hated him. I hated that because of him I couldn't have who I wanted and I hated that I felt trapped. But still I wanted to give Mike and me a chance so I really tried to leave my feelings aside. I tried so hard to love him and to be there for him. I wanted to change how I felt and make things work.
Mike was so determined to keep me in his life that he even use to tell me he would forgive me for cheating. He used to tell me he would fight for me as much as he needed because he wanted to fix all the pain he put me through. But he couldn't.
I cut off contact with Dan, told him I couldn't see him without feeling something else, so that I would rather not see him for a while. But he was leaving the country two months and he asked me to meet and say goodbye. At first I said no but I couldn't let him leave without saying goodbye.
We met and we knew what we both wanted but I constantly said no, this is not right and I can't leave Mike in this state. We spent hours together, mostly I was crying because of what happened with Mike and Dan was there and hugged me all the time I spent crying. We said our goodbyes I resisted the urge to kiss him and left but he soon called me and told me he was hungry, that we should meet again. I ended up accepting and the desire was too big so we kissed. I promised him I would never tell anyone about it. That that would be our little secret. He told me he loved me and that he was looking forward to seeing me when he arrived. Just like that he left.
I couldn't look at myself, I couldn't eat, I couldn't deal with it. Because I cheated on someone I loved. I knew that this would hurt him too deeply and that if he ever found out he would hate me forever. But I was scared of his reaction so I gave him time and cut of contact with Dan even though I really wanted to talk to him.
He had been the person who helped me through all the pain Mike caused. He helped me through health problems, family problems, failing grades and all the Mike drama. He was always there for me, he was always making me happy. He was my best friend and what can I say, it was a rough year. But still I cut contact off to try and fix things with Mike.
Now that I see it in retrospect I understand that I hate leaving people. I hate failure and I hate giving up. That is why it was so hard for me to let go and move on. I felt I was failing him and myself and I love helping people. I wanted to keep helping him but the truth is all the time I spent helping him, caused me to stop taking care of myself. I almost lost myself trying to fix him. But things soon started to really fall apart.
Mike started to act weird, he stopped fighting for the relationship, he went back to treating me badly. He stopped caring about me and I knew he was ready to deal with our breakup. I knew things would never work between us and I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to. So I broke up with him but was so scared of losing him and felt so guilty that I begged him to be with me still. I convinced myself I could keep it a secret from him forever and really try to make things work. But the guilt ate me alive. I was there for him for a while but I was tired of fighting him. I was tired of trying to change what I disliked so much about him. Don't get me wrong I really loved him. I loved his sense of humor at times, I loved how he was only cute to me, I love how he looked at me, how he kissed me. But mostly I loved he was my best friend, I was always honest to him and I knew this couldn't be the exception. We had been through so much together and it seemed fair I told him the truth.
He really tried to make things work, I really tried to love him and to leave my feelings for Dan aside. But all it did was break us. All it did was give us more time together but we both knew we were not going to end together. We used to talk about our wedding and our family together. But at that point I already knew that was just a fantasy. Even though he changed, he still had so many things that didn't work with me. I like adventures, parties, drinking, exercise , the beach, while he is inactive and likes to spend most of his time alone playing PlayStation. We were too different.
Things were never destined to work, our relationship was doomed since it started and I ended up texting him the truth and breaking up with him in the worst possible way. I promised Dan I would never tell anyone what had happened and broke that promise too. Mike told Dan he knew and immediately Dan called me to see if I finally told the truth.Neither forgave me for my mistakes.
So in one minute I lost the two most important men in my life. In one day all the love they had for me died and I betrayed them both. It was so hard but I made my mistakes and I had to deal with them. I wasn't the most mature and for about a month I was wrecked. I wanted them back...
And so my first heartbreak began...
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