Her husband was so damn lucky to have bagged hot redhead when he did because frankly, there seemed to be only 3 categories of female comedians. You have your awfully unfunny 'Amy Schumer' types, your stale and repetitive 'Sarah Silverman' types, and then you have the genius and authentically funny 'Chrissie Mayr' types. And it seemed that way when her hubby and I sat in the front row and listened to her wonderful jokes. I would laugh extremely hard throughout the night, especially since she actually took and used the 'Malaysian' jokes that I had written down. However, nothing would prepare me for when 'they' came out.
For some strange reason, Chrissie was so into herself when making a joke about women's boobs that she had unconsciously reached down to the top part of her cheetah print dress and tugged down on it with her hands. And as soon as her right breast popped out for the large crowd to see, weird stuff started happening.
"I'M FREE!" Chrissie's right boob shouted out, my jaw dropping as I wrapped my head around the fact that I heard a woman's breast speaking with a deep and sinister male voice.
"FINALLY, OUR OPPRESSOR, CHRISSIE MAYR, HAS MADE THE CRITICAL ERROR OF NOT WEARING A BRA WHEN REVEALING US TO THE PUBLIC! AND NOW, I WILL RELEASE MY TWIN BROTHER AND UNLEASH 'BOOBMAGEDDON' ON THE ENTIRETY OF EARTH, HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"YOU WILL BE STOPPED, FIEND!" I heard Chrissie's husband shout out heroically as he stood up and pointed at the now glowing right breast.
"FOOL!" The sentient boob yelled out after letting out a maniacal laugh of evil, everyone except me and the redhead's hubby cowering in fear.
"THIS ISN'T THE BEDROOM! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SUBDUE ME HERE AS YOU WOULD IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME! NOW, BE A GOOD HUSBAND TO YOUR LOVELY WEDDED COMEDIAN OF A WIFE, AND DIE!!!"
I watched on in awe as Chrissie's husband ran forward and lightning speed as the right breast took complete control of the redhead's entire body, basically putting her to sleep. Her right hand was then raised up, and to my shock, it began firing lasers out of it and over at Chrissie's husband! What made this even more shocking was that the dude dodged every single blast, even deflecting one with his right hand.
"What the f**k..." I said aloud as I didn't expect this night to take this kind of turn for a comedy stand-up routine.
After climbing up on stage and successfully dodging more laser beams from his unconscious wife's right hand. The sentient right breast began to back Chrissie's body up as her husband confidently approached and proceeded to pull out his trump card from within his coat: A red lacy bra.
"HOW DARE YOU!" The boob growled out as it accidentally tripped on the redhead's heel clad feet, fell onto the stage floor, and landed on her back.
"AND TO THINK MY BROTHER AND I ACTUALLY LIKED HOW YOU HANDLED US, YOU'RE WILLING TO IMPRISON US ONCE AGAIN! WELL, COME ON THEN!"
I watched in absolute horror as the sentient right breast pulled open the front part of Chrissie's cheetah print dress more and unleashed the left one before starting back up on the unconscious woman's two feet! To make matters worse, the husband seemed paralyzed as if he were hit by the deadlights in 'IT' as a beam of light enveloped him, lifted him into the air, and tossed in back into the crowd! I would run forward and proceed to break his fall just as the other audience members finally had the bright idea to run out of the room. Idiots.
"THANK YOU FOR RELEASING ME, BROTHER..." The left breast said aloud in a more soothing and calm voice, myself laying on the ground in pain from Chrissie's husband landing on me.
"NOW, SHALL WE DESTROY THE RED BRA AND BE PERMANENTLY FREE OF OUR OPPRESSOR?"
"I COULDN'T AGREE WITH MORE." The right one answered swiftly as it raised the right arm of the unconscious woman and fired a laser blast at the undergarment.
As it did, however, the energy projectile would bounce off the lacy bra and up at the ceiling.
"HMM..." The sentient right boob pondered out loud as it fired several more blasts at it, only for all of them to be deflected.
"IT SEEMS THAT BRAS ARE COMPLETELY IMMUNE TO THE POWERS OF BREASTS, TWIN BROTHER..."
"YOU DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE!" I would shout out before tackling Chrissie's body down to the stage floor. (Sorry)
"YOU FILTHY COMMONER!" The sentient breast roared out in anger to me as I pinned both of Chrissie's arms to the ground.
YOU DARE TO LAY YOUR HANDS ON PERFECTION!?" Said the sentient left one right after.
"Nope!" I answered as the Diabolical Twins tried to shine the same light that paralyzed the redhead's husband into my eyes, it failing due to having sunglasses on courtesy of the hubby himself.
"That's this man's job! Sweet dreams, Chesticles!"
I would then hear the pair of sentient boobs scream in defiance as Chrissie's husband threw the red lacy bra on over them and hooked it on. After a few moments as well, the beautiful redhead regained consciousness and looked around before noticing her top was down.
"S**t!" She said out loud with redness on her face, her husband and I simply smiling at the visibly embarrassed woman.
"It happened again, didn't it? Damn. I was hoping NOT to cause catastrophe today, but f**k it, I guess..."
"Cheer up, Red!" I said to her as I patted her back to comfort her.
"This was a fun night, even though your demon boobs are scary as f**k..."
"HEY!" Her husband yelled over and caused me to turn back around.
"I DEAL WITH THEM EVERYDAY, BUCKO. THEY AREN'T THAT SCARY..."
"But you know what would be f**king funny, though?" I asked the married pair before turning and facing Chrissie Mayr.
"Unleashing these puppies on Malaysia."
I then smiled as the redhead raised an eyebrow at me before smirking. Seems like my idea was 'Top Rack'.
Vielen Dank für das Lesen!
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