Clark < dad ? >
Mathew< What's the problem Clark ? >
Clark < Can i ask you something ?>
Mathew < Sure anything you want . >
Clark < This Saturday is my birthday and i would like to have a party in the house with my friends can i get your permission ? >
Mathew < Of course you're free to do whatever you want . And as a bonus I’ll get you want . Hmm let's see , how about that toy we saw the other day ? the one with the armor and spear . >
Clark< The one from Gladiator ? >
Mathew < Yeah that >
Clark<Omg thank you dad you're the best . I love you >
Mathew< I love you too son >
Martha < You're spoiling him again >
< What's the harm ? he's our son . Loosen up a little >
Clark <Yeah mom please >
Martha < You and your dad with that look . You know i can't resist that look . Fine but just this time >
Mathew< Yes thanks Martha . Come on Clark you too . >
Clark < Thanks mom >
The most of my childhood memory are vague but that one I remember correctly . That was the last conversation I had with my father . Mathew Bill my father's name . He was a gentle man while i was growing up , the man of the family , a reliable person a loving dad and a supporting husband .
But that started to change by the time i turned seven . He started coming home late reeking of the smell of alcohol and cigarettes . Whenever mom opened a conversation about it , he always said that it was for work purpose and because she didn't wanna make a scene in front of me , she always let it slide by . When day he got home really late the night of my birthday after he promised me
to come and get me a present . When my mother asked him about it , he said it was for work purposes . But mom didn't buy it . Instead she started searching in his clothes and his brief case and there it was . A brief case full of cigarettes and money receipts and all sort of bad stuffs .
For mom that was the final straw . Not only did he miss his son's birthday , he comes home late doing god knows what and saying it's for work purposes . She got really mad and started throwing his stuffs around . They both started screaming and the conversation heated :
< Martha what are you doing ? >
< I'm getting rid of the things that are obviously more important to you than your family ! >
< That's absurd ! >
< Really ? is it though ? . Because lately i feel like i'm living with an alcohol addicted middle aged man !>
And the conversation continued with exchanging insults and flying papers and stuffs here and there . Certainly something a 7 years old kid shouldn't witness . Until finally dad couldn't take so he hit my mom . I was stunned witnessing that and i rushed to help my mom . One i looked up to my dad , the look in his eyes was terrifying . Loath , disrespect a face a father shouldn't show to his family followed by :
< Why are doing this ? what are you doing that ? i'm sick of you and your complaining that never end . >
< You don't mean that ! what about your son ? >
He started laughing as if he was high which left us stunned and continued :
< I was just pretending . Who in the world would want to be a member in your little pathetic family ?All along i was measuring your understanding but i had enough of it ! this is it ! >
And as he said that he walked out and slammed the door and the was the last time i ever saw him .
Mom was a train wreck but i was just a 7 years old boy . I didn't know what's happening around me and i kept asking < Where's my dad ? > over and over and every time she tried to be as understanding as possible until one day she lost it .
She was involved in a great debt that dad left because of his gambling issues and while she was preparing the dinner , I asked again . She wasn't in her right mind so she took the knife and seriously aimed at me . I Instantly tried to dodge but the shock and denial prevented me from moving as i watched the blood on the knife from the wound landed on my eye .
I collapsed screaming in pain and my mom switched as if she was an another person
< Where's my dad ? when is he coming back ? why did he left ? knock it off already !
Why don't you ask him ? if you miss him so much why don't you pursue him ?
Why don't ask him why did he leave ? why did he did what he did ? >
In that moment I realized my mother's pain and that she was just trying to act tough in front of me . I hugged her and promised that I won't ask for my dad anymore and she came to her senses and started to cry . From that moment she decided to take care of me and never do anything reckless like that .
It wasn't the best life but mom did her best . After i graduated from college at the age of 22 i started working in a real estate company and my mom got a job as a secretary .
One day , we were out of supplies so we went to the mall to get some ingredients .
On the way home , mom brought up a topic that I never thought she'll bring up :
< Clark do you miss your father ? >
< I thought we weren't gonna talk about this >
< I know i wasn't the best mom for you . I didn't take care of you , i was always angry and when you asked about your father i assaulted you . The scar on your eye is still there .
I know it's a lot for me to ask but i hope that one day you can forgive me . >
< Come on I could never ... >
< Look out ! >
After she said that she pushed me so hard that i felt on the sidewalk . When i opened my eyes i saw my worst nightmare . She was lying on the street with blood all over her .
A truck's driver didn't respect the red light and went speeding on his own hit her by accident .
I rushed to help her and started shouting :
< Somebody help ! any one call 911 ! please save her . I'm begging you .>
But it was too late she died instantly . And as i held her body i felt it . It was cold and lifeless . And watching my hand filled with blood , i was overwhelmed by emotions of denial and shock and i started saying :
< She's dead , she's dead . It's was my fault it was all my fault . It was all my fault .
If it weren't for me , she wouldn't have been through all this . She wouldn't be dead .
I did it I killed her I killed her I killed her . >
I kept repeating that over and over as people were trying to pull me away from her .
Vielen Dank für das Lesen!
Wir können Inkspired kostenlos behalten, indem wir unseren Besuchern Werbung anzeigen. Bitte unterstützen Sie uns, indem Sie den AdBlocker auf die Whitelist setzen oder deaktivieren.
Laden Sie danach die Website neu, um Inkspired weiterhin normal zu verwenden.